Despite widespread rumors to the contrary, informants close to the former mayor report that his supposed bid for the GOP presidential nomination never happened.
When asked to explain the many staged photo-ops and sound bytes published throughout 2007 wherein Giuliani appears to indeed be contemplating a move to the White House, or else had a hitherto unrevealed limitless capacity for lox, garlic-laden pasta, curries, cafe con leche, and other multi-ethnic edibles, senior aides remain insistent that the Giuliani campaign never happened.
While difficult to believe, numerous sources support this bizarre and unprecedented contention.
Despite accumulating a huge campaign war chest, far outstripping all actual Republican contenders, the illusive Giuliani campaign managed to completely misspend every dollar: choosing a vague, nearly indiscernible, door-to-door NYC-centered route to the White House over the more traditional campaign approach of airing national and regional television ads, paying out bribes, and building strong ground organizations in such key states as South Carolina and New Hampshire. Giuliani did, however, occasionally mention his September 11th heroism.
By playing this one-note theme of September 11th heroism, peppered with indistinct speculations on whether terrorists might strike again, political analysts speculate that the non-candidate Giuliani simply wore out his welcome by boring voters to death.
In interviews, and even before his non-concession speech in which he spoke of his non-campaign in the unusual 'future-in-past' tense, Giuliani generally spent his camera time detailing the many strategic and tactical mistakes made by his political aides, carefully chosen by the September 11th mayoral hero from among his longtime cronies, while simultaneously also placing blame on other, actual, presidential candidates at every opportunity. He also occasionally mentioned his September 11th heroism.
This blame-to-fame approach to the White House rarely succeeds, say national political pundits. Far more common, though admittedly most closely associated with the Nixon administration, is the reverse fame-to-blame approach to failure. But is September 11th hero Giuliani really at fault here? Did he simply choose ineffectual aides for the national campaign scene? Was his approach just too repetitive, simplistic and NYC-centered for the American voter to take seriously?
Debate continues.
Perhaps the truth is much simpler: the more America saw of Giuliani, the less they could stand him. If true, that would certainly constitute a recipe for political disaster.
Still, the question begs. Could not the dog have wagged the tail? Surely heroic former mayor Giuliani, no stranger to disaster (witness his heroism on and after September 11th 2001), could have risen above these trivial difficulties and misspent his millions in some way better calculated to obtain the votes of people other than his own relatives.
If so, we may never know. When questioned, Giuliani's senior cronies-slash-aides maintain that the alleged Giuliani GOP presidential bid simply never happened.
September 11th mayoral hero Giuliani himself could not be reached for comment.
After his most recent non-win, Giuliani confidants say they expect their non-candidate will concede again this weekend and endorse fellow non-candidate Fred D. Thompson.
Tragic Rabbit, USA Tomorrow, Washington
