Sordid Arabia plans multiple lapidations at Riyadh Colosseum in honor of Bush visit
Sordid Arabia - (AssoCIAted Mess): George W Bush is to be honored in Ancient Roman fashion during his continuing tour of oil-rich Middle Eastern despotic kleptocracies.
Read full storyFemale monkeys fake orgasms with their male monkey mates to make them sexually climax faster, say scientists with too much time on their hands
London, England - Research on primates, our closest relatives, has revealed a startling connection between the sexual behavior of female monkeys and that of women: both species fake orgasms during sexual intercourse with their male counterparts.
Read full storyGordon Brown Donates Organ
Someone once advised to practice what you preach. In an effort to get the electorate to follow the leader, Gordon "Frankenstein" Brown has offered to donate his organ upon his death.
Read full storyKevin Federline to start coffin making factory!
After the death of his pet poodle, Kevin Federline, ex husband of Britney Spears has announced to the world that he is going to start up a coffin making factory in the southern parts of Detroit.
Read full storyBin Laden's Eiffel Trifle?
Having not much to do because of industrial action in other countries, Portuguese air traffic controllers scannned the airwaves. Apart from the usual 'Find Madeline' broadcasts, the BBC World Service and the occasional inbound flight to the A...
Read full story2012 Olympics may be cancelled after European Commission legal challenge
The London Olympics scheduled for 2012 may have to be cancelled if the European Commission is successful in the legal challenge it is bringing against the UK government.
Read full storyGovernment study reveals children with lower grades in exams do less well academically
A government study involving data from the answer papers of over 200,000 pupils has shown a dramatic correlation between exam results and academic success. It also seems to prove conclusively that only those children who get the best grades can be d...
Read full storyGerry McCann Rebranded
Following the successful completion of the rebranding of the McCanns in Portugal, it has today been revealed that the Team McCann brand has also been overhauled in Spanish territories too.
Read full storyMan Blasting 'Lust for Life' from Stereo actually laying on couch smoking pot
Jacksonvile Florida - Dwayne Jenkins, 27 a local self proclaimed 'dreamer' spent the entire afternoon on his couch smoking marijuana and listening to the song 'Lust for life' by rock musician Iggy Pop from the album of the same name.
Read full storyKate McCann Rebranded
News emerged today that award winning Lisbon based design agency E-Nova have been retained by the Find Madeleine fund to undertake a ground up rebranding exercise of key elements of Team McCann in order to increase their appeal in the Portuguese mark...
Read full storyCherie Blair converts to Hinduism
New Delhi, India- (World Muse Bureau): Cherie Blair, wife of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, today converted to Hinduism. She visited the famous Akhshardham temple in New Delhi and took part in the traditional ceremony.
Read full storyMcCain's New Campaign Motto: "Young People Turn Down Your Music"
71 year old presidential candidate John McCain, recently won the New Hampshire Primary. Insiders with McCain's campaign say his success has to do with his new "turn down your music, young people" strategy.
Read full storyNew Shower Curtain Goes Up Today!
Let's face it. I don't have a lot going in my life, so later today when I install my new shower curtain, I will live on that accomplishment for a week. Some people are multi-taskers. They can juggle a bunch of stuff into a day's life and still get the kids home from soccer practice, fry up a decent dinner for the husband, and then sexulate him once the kids are asleep (I hope to God. P...
Read full storyBeckham's ego requires PR medics on hearing Golden Globes are cancelled
David Beckham's ego had to be given life saving resuscitation after the legendary fashion icon heard that the "Golden Globes" were cancelled. Beckham, also known as "Golden Balls" had recently learned the word globe in his Eng...
Read full storyDiana's butler breaks wind at inquest
London - (Bad Ass Mess): Serial fraudster and self-confessed Diana fellater Paul Burrell is testifying at the Princess's inquest for an undisclosed fee according to Royal Courts of Justice sources.
Read full storyBBC involved in massive identity fraud
The BBC has found itself at the centre of a new row, just weeks after the highly damaging scandals of "Queen tantrum gate", "Name of kitten-gate" and "getting people to phone in and charging them even though they stand no cha...
Read full storyRon Paul Names Mary Carey as Running Mate
South Carolina - On the heels of a stunning defeat in the New Hampshire primary the Paul candidacy came forward today with an even more stunning revelation. It appears that negotiations are "in the works" to enlist porn legend Mary Carey t...
Read full storyBible publisher, Oldfactory to sell new scratch 'n sniff bible
Oldfactory publishing came up with yet another solution today for packaging a really old book, the bible, and making it seem new again.
Read full storyAlien inseminator suspected at Aguilera and Ritchie co-spawning
Los Angeles - (Reuterus): An extraterrestrial inseminator is the prime paternity suspect today following reports that Christina Aguilera and Nicole Ritchie both gave birth at the same time in adjacent delivery rooms and the Seedy Signs Maternity Clin...
Read full storyI Hate Telephones
I have a real hate/hate relationship with telephones. Whether they are at work, at home, in other people's pockets, whatever...I can't stand the things.
Read full storySpooks back automatic organ donation without anaesthetic for all bent politicians
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): MI5 top brass has given the nod for a policy revamp of automatic organ donation without anaesthetic for all bent public officials.
Read full storyTime to Change
Henry Fayol (1841-1925), a French management theorist, said, "(An administrator) is somewhat similar to the conductor of a good orchestra -- he sets the score. But each player plays his own instrument." In movies, the music conductor and/or his instrumentalists can be acted out by actors. In sports, an athlete such as Marion Jones can win unprecedented five medals from the 2000 Olympic Games in Sy...
Read full storyMichael Jackson auctions himself on ebay!
eBay - He dances, he sings, he cooks, and even cleans! He's the ever so wonderful, ever so eventful Michael Jackson. And he's up for auction on eBay!...
Read full story"Leave it to Britain"
LONDON, England - A proposal by Gordon Brown allowing hospitals to take organs from dead patients without their explicit consent has critics saying it doesn't have a leg to stand on. It is to be modelled after a program in Spain...
Read full storyExtreme Sports Only a Fraction of the Camp Guantanamo Experience
GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - Forced drugging; sexual degradation; being submitted to prison food; and broken toilet flushes going unfixed. This is but a fraction of the inhumane activity rumored to have occurred within the closely guarded walls of Guantan...
Read full storyRon Paul Toe Injured in Snake Fire!
In a rapidly breaking story, it appears that many leading GOP politicians have been injured in an apocalyptic fire at a hitherto unknown "Snake Complex", including the long-shot racist candidate
Read full storyWhite House Releases Election Campaining Virus
I.T Expert "Jim Walker", a 22-year old resident of Washington D.C reports, "This morning when I woke up, I found a virus in my heavily-protected computer! Before the virus could do any damage, though, my anti-virus cleaned it. I tried...
Read full storyUS Navy Sponsors Iranian Speedboat Races
TEHRAN (FMLiveWire) - The US navy has sponsored popular speedboat racing by Iranian navy enthusiasts in the Straits of Hormuz area of the Persian Gulf.
Read full storyFrance Surrenders to Germany for No Apparent Reason!
Berlin,Germany - The European Union was rocked today by the surprising and pointless surrender of France to Germany. No reason was given by the French government for the peculiar move as the French President had only this to say, "Today, we ful...
Read full storyDid CIA Agents "Water-Board the Heck" out of Detainees?
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Despite facing a barrage from the liberal media of late, the Central Intelligence Agency remains adamant that two videotapes it destroyed in 2005 did not contain any evidence of agency operatives engaging in the torture of detainee...
Read full storyWith Richardson out of Race, Candidates Court Hispanic Vote
New Mexico Governor and former U.N Ambassador and Energy Secretary Bill Richardson has withdrawn his name from the Presidential race. The Democrat was the only prominent candidate from either party that had a Hispanic background. Now, others seekin...
Read full story