Government study reveals children with lower grades in exams do less well academically

Funny story written by Simon Cockle

Sunday, 13 January 2008

image for Government study reveals children with lower grades in exams do less well academically

A government study involving data from the answer papers of over 200,000 pupils has shown a dramatic correlation between exam results and academic success. It also seems to prove conclusively that only those children who get the best grades can be deemed to have achieved "high marks".

The study, carried out by the Department for Children, Schools and Families, showed that pupils with high marks often scored better percentages than their lower achieving classmates. And children whose papers showed a large number of crosses often performed worse than those with a higher proportion of ticks.

Schools minister Jim Knight suggested that, while the results of the study were disappointing, parents should be aware that the government were working hard to improve the situation. "Many schools that achieve better results are now outperforming the schools that have done less well. These schools, in return, also have a higher percentage of pupils with high grades than those who have performed to a lower standard."

Critics have long argued that exams are getting easier and that the A grade has been devalued over the years. The study, conversely, suggests that an A is still an A, and that it can never be a B or indeed a C. However, a Y could be both a vowel and a consonant, and E sounds like C sometimes "if you don't hear it right".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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