US Navy Sponsors Iranian Speedboat Races

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Sunday, 13 January 2008

image for US Navy Sponsors Iranian Speedboat Races
Happy sponsors of speedboat racing in the Gulf

TEHRAN (FMLiveWire) - The US navy has sponsored popular speedboat racing by Iranian navy enthusiasts in the Straits of Hormuz area of the Persian Gulf.

A naval commander told President Bush on Sunday that he held the races in a new spirit of rapprochement between the Iran and the USA.

US Vice Admiral Kevin Cosgriff, commander of the US Navy's 5th Fleet which patrols the Gulf, said, "Wow, George, you shoulda seen those Iranian cigarette boats go zooming all over the place! They can really travel like bats outta hell. It was the least we could do to set up a race course for them and have some fun."

The Iranian speedboaters were all smiles as they were invited aboard one of the three-ship US Navy convoy passing nearby in Iranian waters after the race.

The visiting Bush spoke with Cosgriff after he had a breakfast of falafel and tahina with troops of the US 5th Fleet based in Bahrain.

"It is good to see both US and Iranian navies burning up oil like that in a spirit of fun and cooperation," said Bush. "After all, that is why we are in Iraq, to grab as much oil as possible for Exxon Mobil under long-term contracts."

"It's an important step toward reconciliation," Bush said about the speedboat races as he opened talks with Bahrain's King Hamadabadabado bin Isa al-Khaliphartmanbartman. "It's an important sign that the leaders of that country understand that they must work together to meet the aspirations of the Iranian people."

Bush, speaking to US forces in Kuwait, gave one of his most frank assessments of the war.

"There is no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say: the US lost its war in Iraq because we are a screwy, dying and indebted empire led by a moronic monkey that is overextended and trying to grab foreign oil in order to keep us afloat."

"Iraq is now a different place from one year ago," the president added. "We have slaughtered over one million Iraqis to the horror of the civilized world."

Polls show people in the USA overwhelmingly oppose the war which is seen as enriching the cronies of Bush and Cheney and sleazebag firms like Halliburton.

The several Arab states visited by Bush urged the USA "to get the hell out" and to "take your crappy worthless dollars with you."

Bush said Iran "has a big future in speedboat racing in the Persian Gulf and can teach its neighbors a thing or two."

"I'm not making excuses for my government, but we have gone from a democracy to a tyranny under my presidency," Bush said. "I am sure that the leading Republican and Democratic presidential candidates will continue my brainless and militaristic policies which are sending the USA right down the drain."

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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