Barack Obama Birth Mystery Solved
The mystery surrounding US President-elect Barack Obama and his place of birth, has finally been solved according to reports. Various sites had been cited as his birthplace, such as Nigeria, Kenya and Ireland, but new evidence suggests that Mr Obama...
Read full storyRoyal Butler's Buckingham Palace paedo racket smashed
London - (Royal Ass Mess): A filthy pervert in the employ of the late Queen Mother and the present puppet monarch has been jailed indefinitely after a string of lurid sex sessions was videotaped by police in the Throne Room. Paul Kidd, 69, of Grea...
Read full storyBritain under threat from "gusset-kneed"
In recent years, a phenomenon has grown in the UK to the stage where it threatens the fabric of society - young men, mostly black, who wear trousers that looks like they belong to a 10 year old. The gusset of the trouser is worn at the same level as...
Read full storyEastEnders Heather The Subject Of Court Action By George Michael After Crucifying 'Last Christmas' During Tonight's Episode
Heather Trott, the horrible, fat EastEnders slug, tonight became the subject of what could be a lengthy court battle with popstar George Michael, after she crucified his Wham song 'Last Christmas' in this evening's episode. Heather 'sang' the son...
Read full storySanta Claus Purchases Hybrid Model Sleigh
NORTH POLE - Saint Nicholas is going Green this holiday season. In a bid to do his part to stave off a global warming epidemic threatening to melt the North Pole, the right jolly old elf has purchased a new hybrid model sleigh just in time for Chris...
Read full storyShoe Bubble Boosts World Economy: Obama Names al-Zaida Wingtips Tsar
Economic bursts,booms,bubble and busts are as unpredictable as George Bush's grammar and Obama's idea of liberalism. US investment experts sell trillions of dollars of stock portfolios made of helium and, go figure, the world economy does an Hindenbu...
Read full storyAndy Murray clinches innovative publishing deal
Hot on the heels of his first foray into the literary world with his autobiography "Hitting Back" it has been confirmed that British tennis sensation, Andy Murray, has signed a lucrative publishing deal which will span the whole of his tennis career.
Read full storyJeff Foxworthy to Translate Bible into 'Redneck'
Atlanta, GA- American comedian Jeff Foxworthy of 'You might be a redneck' fame is a very busy man. In addition to hosting top rated prime time game show, 'Are you Smarter that a 5th Grader?'; creating and headlining the wildly successful Blue Collar...
Read full storyBritain experiences its first Hallelujah-icide
The first of what is expected to be a wave of suicides occured today, owing to repeated hearings of various versions of the Leonard Cohen song, "Hallelujah". Mr Jim Smith-Smythe, of Dorking, took an overdose of sleeping tablets, after listening to...
Read full storyAngelina Jollie Pregnant With Dodecatuplets
Hollywood CA Angelina Jollie and Brad Armpitt announced their own Christmas miracle to close friends and family today. Angelina is three months pregnant--with 12 babies! The very blessed event is expected in June. Her doctor was stunned by the di...
Read full storyO.J. Simpson May Reveal All In New Book
O.J. Simpson is telling friends that he may go ahead and write a book about how he murdered his ex-wife and her friend Ron Goldman and escaped without a clue. One anonymous friend stated, "He's tired of keeping all this inside him. He also thinks...
Read full storyShane Warne to make Ashes comeback
Top Australian spin bowler Shane Warne is to make a come back for one test series. After the shocking defeat by South Africa in Perth it was clear that the current crop of Aussie spin bowlers were not up to required standards. The number one team...
Read full storyMinistry of Silly Walks to be reopened
The Labour government today announced it was reopening the Ministry of Silly Walks. Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: 'As the Home Office does absolutely nothing about crime and law and order, and the Foreign Office just does what Washington tells it...
Read full storySteelers Fan Thinks He Has Turf Toe
Pittsburgh: Even though he has a desk job at Sears Mailorder Division and sits in his chair all day, Milton Festerbuster, one of the Pittsburgh Steelers most loyal fans, believes he may well have turf toe. I wheel myself over to the copier and ba...
Read full storyKerry Katona Launches New Perfume
Overweight drug addled celebrity loser, Kerry Katona, has revealed that she will be launching a new perfume early in the New Year. Failed pop star, Miss Katona, is hoping that the release of the new fragrance will herald a new dawn in her downward sp...
Read full storyBeer ad urges viewers to please drink and drive responsibly
In a refreshing break from the barrage of the aggressive hard sell tactics so common during the holiday season, one beer company took time out this Sunday afternoon to urge responsibility for those who drink their beer and step behind the wheel of a...
Read full storyFather Christmas arrested
Father Christmas was arrested yesterday when it was discovered that his "Naughty and Nice" list contravened the UK Data Protection Act. "After a raid on his home," said Detective Inspector Phil Inne, "we discovered on his computer a large list of...
Read full storySanta needs the AA
Father Christmas found himself in a bit of a pickle yesterday when he broke down on his pre-Christmas test flight. This annual test takes place just before Christmas eve so that Santa can ensure that he has a fully working sleigh and the reindeer...
Read full storySecret Underground Gaia & CIA Space Demon Bases Found To Fight Humanity
Many secret black government underground bases have appeared all of a sudden, all over the world in order to fight superstition and mankind. Fake alien invasion groups have been running around like headless chickens telling us all how the aliens have...
Read full storyRomania Sets Silly Season Record
Almost 50,000 people in the Romanian capital of Bucharest have set a new record for the most clots dressed as Santa Claus. A total of 49,826 red and white clad clunts with flowing snowy beards gathered in front of the city's parliament building,...
Read full storyNigella's Kids are Fed Up
It was revealed last night that the children of celebrity TV chef Nigella Lawson are fed up with their mother's cooking. Speaking on a rare interview on CBBC, Cosima Lawson (14) and Bruno (12) complained that life in the Lawson household was not like...
Read full storyHull City To Play All Remaining Games Away From Home
Hull City, the 'Premiership newboys', whose League form away from their KC Stadium has, by far, outstripped their displays at it, have applied to the FA to play all their remaining fixtures away. The Tigers have lost four of their nine home games...
Read full storyObama Suggests Slavery
President-Elect Barack Obama is suggesting a return to slavery as a way out of the current economic downturn with millions threatened with unemployment. "History only give us a negative impression of the institution of slavery," he said at a recen...
Read full storyPrivate Sector Employment Ends
It has finally happened on this date, the last remaining private sector employee was made redundant from the only privately owned company left in the country. Hengist Excaliber Stickleback, owner operator and only employee of Stickleback Producti...
Read full storyMonk Hurls Sandals at Pope Benedict XVI
In the wake of the President Bush - Iraqi shoe-throwing incident, another head of state was victimized by a copy-cat footwear attack. Pope Benedict XVI was Pope-mobiling through his usual drive-by benedictions in Saint Peter's Square yesterday morni...
Read full storyCaroline Kennedy's Small Booty is an Asset
1000 Islands, New York-Caroline Kennedy seeking the nod to succeed Hillary Rodham Clinton addressed a gathering of the Elk's club in Western New York State. In a speech, she said, "…while it won't be easy to fill Hillary's size 14 pantsuit, these har...
Read full storyDetroit Lions: (0-15) Worst Record In NFL History!
DETROIT, Michigan - The Detroit Lions at 0-15 have the dubious distinction of having the worst record in the history of the National Football League. The Lions latest loss was to the New Orleans Saints by a score of 42 to 7. Lion's Quarterback Da...
Read full storyGovernment to bail out struggling drug dealers
Struggling drug dealers have been promised huge amounts of taxpayers money by the government in a deal designed to save their ailing businesses. A government spokesperson stated that the collapse of the industry is a result of previously wealthy b...
Read full storyE-Hockshop to Get Government Contracts for the Pregnant and the Destitute
Minister of Midwivery Warwick and the House of Usser that Deals with Really Poor Persons have collaborated in assigning aid to the virtual loan shark, E-Hockshop. The knocked up and the knocked down will all be getting generous loans at the disgracef...
Read full storyDeep Throat: Nixon, Cheney and Bin Laden Are Same Person
It is already well known that Nixon and Cheney are the same person, but no one expected the death of Watergate's Deep Throat informer to yield this new blockbuster of a revelation about these infamous ball breakers. Hidden in Deep Throat's pape...
Read full storyThank Your Mofo of a Mother, God Damn it
The previews of an off off off Broadway musical entitled Thank your Mofo of a Mother, God Damn it! has attracted rave reviews and sell out crowds night after night. The show was inspired by an experience its author and maternal namesake had when caug...
Read full storyMorticia Addams Helping To Redecorate White House
Washington DC-- A familiar face is helping the Obamas move into the White House. Barack Obama's first cousin, Morticia Addams is busy at work. Obama's grandparents were Uncle Fester and Aunt Angina. Morticia plans a lot of changes for the landmar...
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