Struggling drug dealers have been promised huge amounts of taxpayers money by the government in a deal designed to save their ailing businesses.
A government spokesperson stated that the collapse of the industry is a result of previously wealthy businessmen having to cut down on their consumption and possibly even going cold turkey over the Christmas period.
"It would be a catastrophe for these people to go under" stated the minister, "The spending power of the more successful dealers is quite phenomenal and the recession can only hit harder if they lose that power."
It is thought that some of the money will be raised by cutting incapacity benefit and jobseekers allowance, charging the feckless workshy "needy" credit card style interest rates on emergency loans, and charging tourists to watch the founding fathers of the labour party spin in their graves.
