UK Government lose all economic data on the 6.30 from Kings Cross to Aberdeen
In the last 2 years, there have been several embarrassing news stories describing how sensitive Government data has been "lost" - everything from people's medical records to names of MI5 agents have been copied on to CDs or memory sticks which have...
Read full storyClinton Whitemails Obama; Power-Sharing Agreement Revealed!
YTRE FRØNNINGEN SOGN OG FJORDANE, NORWAY, EU-- Unique CFR-brokered Clinton-Obama power-sharing agreements in May 2008 secretly guaranteed President-Elect Clinton the Middle American presidency after giving Obama a turn, it has been revealed. The...
Read full storyNetwork TV Anchor Jobs Outsourced To India
New Yawk, NY-- The major network executives are feeling the pinch of the credit crunch and are taking drastic measures to cut expenses. All three news anchors at CBS, NBC and ABC have been fired. There jobs have been outsourced to India, and the ne...
Read full storyI'm a Celebrity Latest
This year's reality series of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here!', has been fraught with bickering and in-fighting. There have been suspicions that the phone-lines have been tampered with, and any callers who voted for Robert Kilroy-Silk MEP to st...
Read full storyScotus Demands Death Certificate: Did Obama Gramma Really Die in Hawaii?
02 Dec 08, HONOLULU, HI, USNA-- Barack Hussein Obama, Acting President Elect Presumptive, ignored a deadline of yesterday to release his grandmother's death certificate, as demanded by Scotus, the nine-headed black beast of Washington. Over 20 co...
Read full storyBush Admits Error: Tourism, Not Terrorism
President George W. Bush acknowledged today that he made a critical error in late 2001. He had been planning an effort to crack down on tourists. In the frenzy following the 9/11 attacks, he was announcing the plan but misspoke, saying terrorism inst...
Read full storyAndy Murray - the Billy Elliot of the tennis world
A chance meeting at the Miami Beach Go-Karting Experience, has led to British tennis sensation, Andy Murray, being invited to join in classes at the Miami City Ballet School. "We had been discussing overtaking techniques with this guy at the track...
Read full storyZac Efron has Trouble with his Cock - wonders if he really needs it
Uh oh! Zac Efron is having cock trouble again and this time it's serious. The High School Musical prick just can't keep it under control. He's tried everything from tieing it down with garden takes, jamming it in a cupboard and even considering ge...
Read full storyBrainy fans storm the BBC as the 'Eggheads' haughty C.J is replaced by born-to-be bullied Barry!
Angry fans of the the hit BBC programme, 'Eggheads' stormed the BBC in two days time. Pushing Jeremy Vine to the floor, and kicking him around his pious knackers. The upset fans rampaged through the studios, armed with encyclopaedia's, trivia books,...
Read full storySanta's Elves are Stupid Little Bastards
It's official! Santa Claus' North Pole elf workers are a bunch of stupid little annoying bastards. The miniature freaks toil all day and night in cramped workshops in sub-zero temperatures for the Christmas season but still find time to appear in Sa...
Read full storyMan Clubs Dozens Of Nilton, Alabama Residents To Death
A deranged golfer has run amuk into the middle of Nilton, Alabama, population 559, and killed everyone he saw with a Big Bertha 460 Driver according to several people who fled the Sammage Shop on Main Street. Blood and eyes and more than one mus...
Read full storyNorth Pole Pedophile Ring Broken
North Pole: In what North Pole police are saying is a massive child porn and pedophilia bust, Santa Claus, aka Christopher Kringle, of North Pole has been arrested. "Currently this case is under investigation and the collection of evidence is cont...
Read full storyBoy George Guilty Verdict... He 'realises' his Crimes !
Boy George, eighties pop sensation and celebrity bitchy camp gay man, was found guilty in court today. He was guilty of not wearing any make-up and looking just like a bloke, who you could possibly mistake for being a heterosexual. Judge John D...
Read full storyQueen admits 'I invested in Lehamn Brothers'
Buckingham Palace have issued a statement today detailing the Queen's financial loss since the beginning of the credit crunch almost 18 months ago. Her majesty is proclaimed to be a 'passionate player in the global stock market' is often seen emailin...
Read full storySomali pirates blamed as Ozzie ladsmag loses 130,000 inflatable breasts
Sydney, Australia - (ReUterus & Bare Ass Mess): "I blame them fetid Somali pirates, personally," was the only printable comment from Dave Skank, Editor of leading Ausralian ladsmag Rough! today. Skank, 69 has been left redfaced and 'feeling a...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Lesbian Eatery
MALIBU BEACH, California - Actress Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson will be opening a new restaurant in Malibu Beach. The restaurant which is scheduled to open on January 13, 2009, is called, 'Lindsay Lohan's Lesbian Eatery.' Lindsay was interviewed by CBS's Katie Couric. "So tell me Lindsay why did you decide to open up a restaurant?" Lindsay replied, "Well Katie I have al...
Read full storyHigh School Science Project Proves Aspartame Causes Gold Fish to Lose Weight
LONDON - At a school near the city, Tortullina Fisher, 14, revealed the details of her 2nd-place-winning science project. "The bottom line is, aspartame works. The fish I used in my study all lost weight after only a week.", gurgled Tortullina, between gulps of diet orange soda. "How did you administer the aspartame? Did you spice up the food with it?", I asked. "Oh no. It was easy. I...
Read full storyMars Rover Discovers Railway Sleeper
A leaked photograph from NASA's ROV Mars Rover camera shows what appears to be a lump of shaped timber lying in a dried river course running parallel to the planet's controversial Cydonia Mensae region, famous for it's giant Sphinx-like face, Inca Ci...
Read full storyBA To Merge With Qatada
British Airlines, the world's least favourite airline, is exploring the possibility of a merger with the Arab terrorist, Abu 'Curfew' Qatada, TheSpoof.com misunderstands. BA, who had earlier rejected an approach for a similar arrangement from Anti...
Read full storyAl Qaeda 'Mothman' Prophecies and the Official State Opening of the Can of Worms
London - (9/11 Mess): Osama bin Laden's right hand-job man, Omar Mahmoud Othman, - also known by aliases as 'Omar the Mothman' and Abu Qatada, has been caught in a plot to nuke the Palace of Westmonster on Wednesday's Official State Opening of Parlia...
Read full storyStarbucks Town Opens In Hampshire
Today an entire new town made up of Starbucks shops opened in Hampshire. The town - cleverly named St. Arbucks - stands on the rivers Dye and Yewretick, and is simply street after street of the coffee shops. Local branch(es) manager, Maxwell House...
Read full storyEU Sets Health & Safety Guidelines for Illegal Immigration Transport
Brussels, Belgium - The European Commission has issued its much-anticipated guidelines regulating the health and safety of transporting illegal immigrants into the EU and between member countries. EC spokesperson, Noah Passaporta explained the...
Read full storyBoy George Opens Bondage Store
Following sensationalized news reports and public speculation that Boy George enjoys regular handcuffing of his sexual partners whether they are willing or otherwise, business associates of the music industry icon have announced that George will be o...
Read full storyPetrol Usage Warnings
News comes today of the Government's new multi-million pound advertising campaign aimed at reducing the risks of what it says is "improper use of petrol". The recent reduction in the price of petrol at the pump has been welcomed by those on the fo...
Read full storyChina Shrinks Population
Beijing, China: In what appears to be a leap in quantum physics and nanotechnology the Chinese government has "nanoized" an entire province to fit inside a thimble. CIA and National Security officials are with holding comment of the geo political imp...
Read full storyProstitutes to get their own back with new reality "Ride my Pimp" TV show
The Honourable Association of British Prostitutes - HAPB - are getting their own back on the sex-for-commission trade with a new reality TV show called "Ride my Pimp". This new show is loosely based on the American TV "Pimp my Ride" series, where...
Read full storyUK Prime Minister to sell 10 Downing Street
Gordon Brown, Labour Prime Minister of UK, has decided to place the official residence of UK PMs, 10 Downing Street, on the market. In a brief statement, Mr Brown decided that the cost of repairs and maintenance each year was becoming too great a...
Read full storyLapland Park Scam a Huge Rip-off
A newly-opened 'Winter Wonderland' theme park has been described as a 'joke' and a 'scam' by thousands of angry visitors. Many people have demanded a refund of the £25 they paid to enter the Smegmadale Forest Lapland Leisure Park on the Hampshire...
Read full storyScouts denounce god
The British Scouting movement has bowed to public pressure and removed 'god' from the curriculum of Scouting. "There's just no place for god, any god, in scouting any more," said Arthur "Clover" Garlic of the Cumbrian fifth. "For years we've been...
Read full storyObama looks wan
Close friends of President-elect, Barak Obama have secretly become worried over the future president's health. "He's looking very drawn," said one close friend, who preferred to be called 'M'. "I think the election has taken it's toll, he can bare...
Read full storyYork councillors named on extremist list
A list of Labour and Liberal Democrat councillors in York and North Yorkshire has leaked out - and the furious members say they have those responsible in their sights. Details of 38 people with affiliations to the controversial parties who live in...
Read full storyKorean leader visits the zoo
SEOUL, South North Korea - South North Korean leader Jim Jong Il went to the Pongy zoo and shot three tigers, 2 bears and a shark in the aquarium, media said Tuesday, the latest in a spate of reports depicting Jim as fit as Elvis Presley three months...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson in Sex-change Shocker
6'5' "Jells" Clarkson hinted recently that he "might go all the way - you know, chop off the old todger, mount it on a plinth, award it annually in a 'prick of the year' ceremony. 'His Tonyness' springs to attention for the first one", he went on, w...
Read full storyAssFrFred44Giveness:Does the Vatican Really Keep Track of the Most Beautiful Pics of IL Papa!?
Dear AssFF$$G, I was reading L'Osservatore Romano late one night after my porn subscription ran out( any advice?) and I noticed that the Vatican's official organ has a feature called : The Most Beautiful Pictures of the Pope. I fuck with thee not! Do you know what criteria is used to decide the papal beautifulness? Just Wondering Dear JW, As to your first somewhat subtle query( I...
Read full storyHospital Installs DOG Scan Machine
PHILADELPHIA - The Thomas Jefferson hospital here has installed the nation's first and only DOG scan unit. It was purchased from the Siemens DOG shelter in Leipzig, Germany. "Dis iss a great day fur Philadelphia. The DOG scan vill perfectly compl...
Read full storyUMan Ronaldo Has One Golden Ball
Every year there is fierce competition in the contest for the world's greatest footballers ball. Contestants adopt exotic diets, fiddle with herbs and practice arcane massage techniques alone and in groups. Gold, silver and lead are the symbolic meta...
Read full storyBumble to Send Lone Parents and their Baggage Packing to the Work House
Mr Bumble better known as Work and Pensions Secretary Purcell has reached his limit with the shiftless toddlers and their lazy lout mums in the UK:" On John Bull's island, we all pull our share!", Bumble said. Purcell's proposals to put to hard...
Read full storyPalin Accepts Invitation to Campaign in Georgia
Just when a fatigued US electorate thought that they might get a break from the presidential poisonous politics of 2008, candidates losers and winners are still involved in the Senatorial run-offs and recounts in Minnesota and Georgia. One of t...
Read full storyNFL Giant Plexico B Not Faster Than a Speeding Bullet
Today's super athletes perform feats of wonder that could belong to a class of super heros. The NY Giant's Plexico Burress , last year's Superbowl MVP and a true world class athlete lost a race this week between his gun, a bullet and his own thigh.
Read full storyEvo Biolos Find Half Shelled Turtle and Quarter Brained Texan and Alaskan
Evolutionary biologists have made landmark discoveries recently all of which demonstrate the gradual development of life on earth. A fossil of a turtle with only a partially formed carapace gave support to the idea of a slow development from the simp...
Read full storyEl Qaeda Targets Flush Toilets
Damascus - In his latest video released to Al-Jazeera Osama Bin-Laden reveals that El Qaeda is not committed to overthrowing and destroying the West, this is just a step along a path to his ultimate objective - to replace Western-style flush toilets...
Read full storySunday League Player Wins Ballon D'Or World Footballer Of The Year Prize
He pipped them all. In a last minute voting frenzy, little known Sunday League footballer Tony 'Twinkletoes' Trundle scooped the Ballon D'Or World Footballer Of The Year award from under the very noses of considerably richer and better looking lumina...
Read full storyZimbabwean Big Game Hunter Makes Christmas Appeal
Clayton Le Moors, the legendary Zimbabwean big game hunter, renowned for falling down a hole in Hampshire whilst stalking rabbits with an AK 47, and notorious for his failure to supply high meat content sausages to Euro sausage guzzlers on time, alle...
Read full storyAsperspam Clogs Internet
Cyberspace - A scourge of lame aspartame stories may the next big thing to plague Internet users. Recognized as virulent spam variant the stories by can be easily distinguished from subjects of interest by their unimaginative story line and repeated...
Read full storyBrand-New Forest Winter Wonderland A Bit Of A Let Down
It promised it all on its official website, Hollywood style special effects, Santa, Reindeer, sleighs, snow, magic for the kiddies, gift shops, catering facilities, no queues, log cabins, elves, and hours of unbridled xmas joy for cash strapped famil...
Read full storyPaint the halls with learning brain cells
(Seattle) University of Washington's C-9 Live Mach 1 Telescreen more than lives up to its name in sophistication. Applied as paint, the inexpensive video display Live processors incorporate multi-spectrum cameras, HyperSonic Sound, and neural netw...
Read full storyHillary Doesn't Want To Be Obama's Emissary to Somali Pirates
The soon-to-be Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, is said to be balking at her first assignment. According to the next administration's inner circle, President-elect Obama has specifically directed Ms. Clinton to fly to Somalia on the very day of...
Read full story