Sympathy for the Devil
Washington DC - (ReUterus): An anonynous high ranking Bonesmen's agent codenamed Peri Stalsis is believed to be the mastermind behind a massive upmarket DC prostitution racket and is now threatening to sell his list of 100,000 clients to pay for...
Read full storyFreedom Pill Announced
A new pill has been rushed through F.D.A. testing and approved in record time, and is now available. The pill is rather expensive, and only for republicans. It has been dubbed "The Freedom Pill".
Read full storyNew Cartoon Network Advertising Scheme Scares The Living Crap Out of Boston Again
After last months Cartoon Network advertising fiasco, you'd think that they'd be extra careful with their campaigns, right?...
Read full storyAction Stationery!
Vandals have once more struck out at a community lifeline. This time the Lower Trunion mobile library has been the target of 'mindless deeds of wanton destruction,' according to library driver Paige Turner.
Read full storyTommy Lee Finds Out His Own Age
Rock star and occasional porn star Tommy Lee was shocked to have his actual age revealed to him by a roadie yesterday; and subsequently cried for four hours straight. It happened by chance when the anonymous crew member told the Motley Crue drummer,...
Read full storyPresident Bush Ends the U.S. Deficit !
In an unexpected, special State of the Union message which interrupted all evening television and radio programs at 8 p.m. (E.S.T.) last night, President George W. Bush announced he will balance the budget of the United States of America and end the...
Read full storyWorld's hairiest pussy!
Berlin- The super efficent Germans are rightly acknowledged as being innovative world leaders in many different fields, car making, engineering, brewing, electronics and of course sausage guzzling.
Read full storyMay I see your papers!?
A call for calm has been issued by Mr. Lockett, the Lower Trunion neighbourhood watch co-ordinator. The plea follows a spate of false alarms regarding bogus callers.
Read full storyAnt And Dec Land Their Biggest Role Yet
Loveable Geordie duo, Ant and Dec, are today celebrating landing the starring roles in a new blockbuster film that's certain to be the talk of 2008.
Read full storyThe truth about Anne Robinson!
The world's oldest woman, Anne Robinson, has finally come revealed that she is a lot older than she says she is.
Read full storySpielberg Unknowingly Bought Stolen Tart
Sunset Boulevard - (Rotters): Domestic staff working for Hollywood movie maker Stephen Spielberg were shocked to find that their employer's Russian tart is an illegal immigrant stolen from a rival Hollywood studio magnate's slave trading poo...
Read full storyCalifornia judge awards 11 million dollars in cockroach-yogurt case
A federal judge in Sacramento, California has ordered Gaggot & Maggers Biological Supplies of Palo Alto to pay $11.5 million in damages and interest to a customer who found a glob of yogurt in a container of cockroaches. G&M, which distributes disse...
Read full storyMass chaos as date for the end of the world is revealed
There has been mass chaos every where as the date for the end of the world has finally been released.
Read full storyJim Jones Night at Las Vegas's Total Nude Shows
Sin City/Las Vegas, Nevada (a non-AP news alert) In a shocking expose broadcast from the overflowing parking lots of Las Vegas's total nude cabarets, it has been learned that city laws here prevent the serving of alcoholic beverages at totally...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Prepares for Draft, Outlaws Skate Boards
Yesterday, President George W. Bush signed the little publicized bill 072702.afrt into law which makes owning and/or using a skate board a federal offense. "Our youth have been perverted long enough" Declares Bush as he affixed his signatur...
Read full story"Target Achilles" has surfaced
Langley VA - This week a very secret report called "Target Achilles" has surfaced on the Internet, whether the source was an Intelligence community insider or a very savvy hacker is not known. The report included the names, personal addres...
Read full storyJade does India - The Video!
Celebrity Big Brother star Jade Goody is to release her first video documentary on the internet. It covers her recent trip to India where she visited 'the Railway Project', a charity which aims to help the th...
Read full storyYouTube vasectomy footage blow to Stern
Nassau - (ReUterus): Howard K Stern's chances of reaping paternity rewards for Anna Nicole's baby Dannielynn sank to an all time low today after online video site YouBoobed posted scenes of his 2005 vasectomy.
Read full storyBritney's had her chips as Amy Winehouse voted UK Celebrity Top Potato
London - (Dissassociated Press): Endless months of getting mashed every night has ended with clit-flash pop diva Britney Spears finally being toppled as the nation's favorite hot potato in a London celebrity lookalike contest that voted Amy Wineh...
Read full storyHarry Potter - The Bum
No matter where you come from, where you have been or whom you fancy - you will have heard about Harry's "butt" revealed and so has J K Rowling!...
Read full storySky Dishes Could Be Leading Us All To Doom Says Edinburgh Man
We walk by them every day without ever giving them a second thought but according to one man from Edinburgh, sky dishes are a sinister invention leading us all to doom.
Read full storySurvey Highlights Bad Language At Work
A survey of a broad section of workplaces in the UK, to discover what people think about the use of bad language, has turned up some surprising results.
Read full storyMonty In Trouble For Saying "Boo!" To A Goosen
Golfer Monty Colingomerie is in trouble with the Professional Golfers Association (PGA) again and has been charged with 'ungentlemanly conduct' and 'behaviour likely to cause a fight'.
Read full storyPolice Use MySpace to Catch Robber, Now Too Addicted To Function
A notorious Little Rock, Ark bank robber is using his MySpace to advertise his crime skills, saying "let me meet more bank tellers so that I can continue my crime spree!!!". The Arkansas police department was assigned to the case, but they...
Read full storyMega Millions $275 Million Jackpot Winner Killed
MYLANTA, GEOGIA--(BSNewswire)--Luck ran out for the winner of Friday nights Mega Millions Jackpot winner, Peter Patootie. Within an hour of the good news, Mr. Patootie was involved in a fatal traffic accident caused...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4YourGenitalia-3/2/07
Dear P4YG, I have been puzzling over this sexsual mystery for a while now?Why do they make flavored condoms?My hubbie and I have tried the plain and the flavored and neither one of us can tell the diff! Can you splain?'Fused in Frisco...
Read full storyParis Hilton's Hands Burned Off In Benihana Accident: Now THAT'S Hot
Socialite Paris Hilton went out with friends for a peaceful dinner at an LA Benihana location Friday night, but she didn't find the peace she was looking for.
Read full storyChristian Fundies attack Scientific Roundies
In an effort to apply biblical science to their belief system, Fundamentalists are insisting that the world is flat (just as maps have shown it practically forever) and globes should be banned as sacrilegious blasphemies (good name for a devil music...
Read full storyMarch Madness Is A Boobies Battle!
An aerial photo taken from one of those remote control mini-blimp-cams that hover over Basketball courts during big games has yielded footage that Sports Psychologist Kareem Abdul Froid claims is a revelation of the true nature of roundball: "Mo...
Read full storyBuster and the Baby Angel,Chapter 12
Buster could feel nothing. Nothing that made him feel what he felt when the Baby Angel was with him. This was no real surprise to him since nothing was what he was used to feeling--at least ---it was ---until that time that in his memory seemed timeless When he really got desperate he would rummage through the filthy back of his van to find some vestigial trace of her pres...
Read full storyBoogers Cure Cancer!
The We'll Lance Your Boil British Medical Journal will publish a report by Doctors Snotgrass and Knowspika that demonstrates that hardened mucous in the nasal cavity contains properties that can fight deadly killer cancer!...
Read full storyMike Nifong Claims He was Abducted by an Alien
Constipated Press: Breaking News - Mike Nifong, the District Attorney for Durham, North Carolina, claims that aliens literally took control of his mind. He claims this is why he kept the Duke Lacrose going without any real evidence.
Read full storyAmerica's founding fathers influenced most by Pirate code
Despite taking ideas for Democracy from ancient Greece, Rome, India and the Iriquois Confederacy, and many European countries during the Middle Ages, founding fathers John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Robert Livingston and Roger Sherma...
Read full storyBush To Replace Cheney With Senator McCain
Finding the Vice President more liability than asset, implicated in countless shenanigans, most recently, messing it up with Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, third in line for the Presidency, George Bush decided the time had come for Dick to move...
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