Tommy Lee Finds Out His Own Age

Saturday, 3 March 2007


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Something suddenly means more to Tommy Lee than it did yesterday.

Rock star and occasional porn star Tommy Lee was shocked to have his actual age revealed to him by a roadie yesterday; and subsequently cried for four hours straight. It happened by chance when the anonymous crew member told the Motley Crue drummer, "Hey man, you're really cool for a 44 year old." To which Lee replied, "Dude, whaddya mean? I'm like, in my twenties."

The roadie then pulled out a pen and paper and explained to Lee that you find one's birthday by taking the current year and subtracting the year they were born; in this case, 1962. After finally convincing Tommy Lee that he was in fact 44 years old, Lee said between sobs, "Dude, I thought I was so cool. But being drunk, shooting heroin, and getting hummers from groupies up against the tour bus is only cool if your 23. I'm Forty $%#&'ing Four years old! That's just pathetic! I hang out with Nick Carter of the Back Street Boys for God's sake!"

When asked how he could so vastly misjudge his own age, Lee replied, "Dude I don't know. I just never stopped to think about it. I guess I was just too busy. I mean, one minute you're 23 years old, and opening up for the Vinnie Vincent Invasion and banging Lita Ford in a backstage port-a-potty; and the next minute you think you're maybe 25 and doing your third Motley Crue reunion tour and banging Lita Ford's daughter in a backstage port-a-potty. It really didn't seem like it had been going on that long. You gotta be joking? Am I really Forty-Four? Forty-Four! If that's true, I am the most pathetic, immature guy on the planet!"

After the crying fit ended, Lee vowed to "shape up and act like a man my own age." He even promised to learn which of his sons was "Brandon" and which one was "Dylan." However, Lee's dedication to his maturity pledge immediately went into question, when only hours later he was seen having sex with Lita Ford the Third in a backstage port-a-potty.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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