Ex-fiance Paris Latsis asks for Hilton visitation order
Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Greek shipping heir and former Paris Hilton fiance Paris Latsis is reported to have made an official request to visit his former betrothed in LA's Twin Towers jail just as soon as shrinks sign her off as stable enough to...
Read full storyParis toilet phobia blamed on swallowed stash
Twin Towers Jail, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Doctors monitoring incarcerated socialite Paris Hilton are investigating reports that her refusal to eat, drink or use the lavatory for five days is unconnected to any eating disorder or hygiene phobia but...
Read full storyL.A. County Sherrif Defies Bush Order To Release Hilton
Los Angeles County Sheriff Andy Griffith has announced that he will defy President Bush's pardon of Paris Hilton.
Read full storyParis Hilton Says "I'm Learning And Growing" in Prison Statement
In a statement released from the Los Angeles twin towers prison, Paris Hilton said that she is "learning and growing." She also said that she has decided not to appeal her sentence and will serve out the rest of her time.
Read full storyBumper sticker tagging supports students denied diplomas
(Galesburg, IL) A resurgance in youths tagging cars with bumper stickers has returned to show support for five students denied their diplomas because of a cheering audience.
Read full storyU.S.D.A. Recalls 5.7 Million Pounds of Ground Beef
The U.S.D.A. has issued a recall on 5.7 million pounds of beef sold in eleven western states during the months of March and April. Fourteen people were infected with the e-coli virus after eating hamburger meat from a western meat packing plant manu...
Read full storyNY Cops hold Brit Nanny
95-year-old great grandmother Vera Pennyworth from Dorset in England is the latest foreign tourist to fall foul of New York's stringent jay walking laws.
Read full storyDiana's Bones to go Under the Hammer
The late Diana Princess of Wales' body is to be exhumed and the bones auctioned off in an ironic bid to help the upkeep of her grave.
Read full storyBush goes Soprano in front of Pope; asks for a little 'favor' in Cuba; Vatican calls in Sicilians for 'professional' advice
Vatican, Rome - Making advance preparations for the passing of Fidel Castro, the communist and island dictator, Bush, in a private audience with the Pope, asked if the Holy See would be interested in "interceding" on behalf the Cuban people...
Read full storyLeaked State Department memo warns of Cuba instability after Castro's death
Washington, D.C. - The State Department believes that immediately following, Fidel Castro, the Caribbean island dictator's passing, a title wave of millions of Cuban immigrants wanting to improve their lot in life will leave the island all at onc...
Read full storyHirst reveals reality plans
London, Sunday - Controversial artist Damien Hirst has revealed plans for a new reality TV show at the unveiling of his latest controversial masterpiece, a diamond human skull.
Read full storyParis Hilton bulimic?
Twin Towers, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Shrinks at the Twin Towers jail psych ward have reported that Paris Hilton may be bulimic and could have carefully hidden her addition to self-purging for over a decade. The petulant heiress has spent two ni...
Read full storyPresident Bush Pardons Paris Hilton
Breaking News! President George W. Bush has just announced that he is pardoning infamous hotel fortune heiress Paris Hilton.
Read full storyCorrupt Bastards Club to Impose Eminent Domain On Intellectual Property Rights
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Corrupt Bastards Club voted overwhelmingly to impose Eminent Domain on intellectual property rights. It's not enough for them to take your property, they want your mind as well.
Read full storyGiuliani Tries to Gain Black Vote
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Rudy Giuliani flitted about as he headed toward his Mercedes limousine in preparation to head to a New York slum to appeal to the "little people." He headed to an open-air crack cocaine market and thousand...
Read full storyParis Hilton Denied Razor And Wax In Prison
Paris Hilton has reportedly been denied razors (electric and blade) in her prison. She has also been denied access to hot wax and Brazilian Bikini Wax specialists. As her stay will be under 60 days (with good behaviour), she will also not in the ne...
Read full storyParis Hilton Feels Humiliated
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Los Angeles - Paris Hilton, after kicking, screaming, and whining all the way to jail said that she was extremely humiliated and that people should be paying attention to important things like the War in Iraq and the men and wo...
Read full storyAfghanistan's national treasure traded for holiday ornaments and bits of tinsel
US and A - Afghanistan's Bactrian Collection, a hoard of more than 20,000 precious gold and culturally significant artifacts, has been turned over to the National Geographic Society and National Endowment for the Humanities in exchange for a half...
Read full storyCheney's pacemaker no longer requires replacement
WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney's routine checkup on Friday revealed no new blockages in his circulatory system, and doctors said he no longer needs a new battery for a special pacemaker he has in his chest, a spokeswoman said.
Read full storyNicole Richie Enters Convent/Rehab
Nicole Richie has signed up to enter the, Blessed Angels of Mercy, convent rehab. BAM as it's know to former patients, is probably the toughest rehab on the planet. BAM uses the, ruler across the knuckles, big wooden paddle across the backside me...
Read full storyParis Hilton's Vagina is #1
A survey by, Net Numbers, revealed Paris Hilton is the #1 search on the net for the past month straight. It's anticipated her popularity will only get stronger as the rest of her jail stay unfolds.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Declares War on Rhode Island
The Bush administration announced today it was formally declaring war on the State of Rhode Island. Rhode Island was the last state of the original 13 states to ratify the United States Constitution. Rhode Island, "the smallest state with the lo...
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