Breaking News! President George W. Bush has just announced that he is pardoning infamous hotel fortune heiress Paris Hilton.
Speaking to members of the press, which included correspondents from The New York Times, Washington Post, National Enquirer, and, of course, The Spoof.com, the president said that he was saddened at the images of Hilton being taken from her house by law enforcement officials and thrown back into jail. "This is an injustice. Being a spoiled rich kid myself, I have a great deal of apathy for this young lady", Bush said. The president went on to borrow a phrase from former president Bill Clinton, saying "I feel her pain."