Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 10 June 2007

image for Paris toilet phobia blamed on swallowed stash
"Prisoners fear having their waste captured for analysis before they can retrieve it themselves"

Twin Towers Jail, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Doctors monitoring incarcerated socialite Paris Hilton are investigating reports that her refusal to eat, drink or use the lavatory for five days is unconnected to any eating disorder or hygiene phobia but may be due entirely to an attempt to smuggle cocaine into the prison by swallowing her stash in a condom.

"We see this all the time both in the psych wing here and in the Lynwood facility itself," a medical source told the press today.

"Prisoners know they are being monitored 24/7 and fear having their waste captured for analysis before they are ready to retrieve any swallowed narcotics they have swallowed in small packages.

"Mostly after four, maybe five days they crack up and nature takes its course.

"In the case of heroin addicts it may simply be a matter of having to go cold turkey before peristalsis returns and any swallowed material can be expelled through the normal channels.

"It's a dangerous business though. Each day brings added danger that the packages will burst or disintergrate in the digestive system causing overdose or even death.

"Sometimes we just have to flush them out if the evidence points to hidden narcotics somewhere in the gastro-intestinal system.

"It ain't a pretty site but it's a whole lot less gruesome than a mortuary slab!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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