Written by Cal Jennings

Sunday, 10 June 2007

image for Giuliani Tries to Gain Black Vote
Giuliani flitting about as he prepares to go to poor neighborhood.

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Rudy Giuliani flitted about as he headed toward his Mercedes limousine in preparation to head to a New York slum to appeal to the "little people." He headed to an open-air crack cocaine market and thousands of violent crimes each year, where he bought two kilos of crack from a drug dealer.

"That should improve my ratings with those folk," said Giuliani, "at least until I impose eminent domain on them and take their property to put in a high rise with Donald Trump. Those colored folk don't need to be this close to the city anyway. They can't buy anything."

Under policies advanced by the Giuliani administration and carried out by Phillips and other activists dedicated to saving the neighborhood, real estate and retail boomed and crime plunged, so he is now going to have their land confiscated in order to increase tax revenue and get rid of the "undesirables."

"I can't understand why they hate me so much," said Giuliani. "I'm doing what any self-respecting member of the Corrupt Bastards Club would do. Just because I lied about 9/11 doesn't mean they should hate me."

It was obvious to the reporter that Giuliani had no clue as to why African Americans in New York would dislike him. It was transparent that Giuliani was out of touch with anyone making less than $100,000.00 a year.

"the reality is that my administration has done more for Harlem than any administration in the last 50 years," said Giuliani. "Without me, those ugly poor people would still be living there. I can't help it if they got addicted to the drugs I financed."

After he left "nigger town" as he calls it, he was asked why he didn't pay more attention to the African American and Latino leaders in New York, he said: "If I had spent my time engaged in that dialogue, the I might have ended up talking like those people. Because what happens when you engage in that dialogue is you compromise, and then you start speaking jive and Spanish."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more