Britney Spears Assaults Paparazzi with Mothers Milk Product
Las Vegas Nevada, Britney Spears assaulted two photographers outside a spa in Las Vegas two days ago According to witnesses she threw a baby bottle full of mothers milk at paparazzi as they attempted to photograph her.
Read full storyNo Balmoral invite for Kate Middleton
Balmoral Castle, Blackader - (Ass Mess): There will be no royal invitation for Kate Middleton to join the Puppet Monarchy at the Highlands retreat of Balmoral Castle this year after hundreds of nude photos of her shagging the entire Blues & Roya...
Read full storyAishwarya Rai the new Bond Girl in From Bollywood With Love
Bollywood - (Celebrity Guess): Green-eyed mega-goddess Aishwarya Rai is rumored to be on the verge of signing up as the next Bond Girl in the forthcoming blockbuster From Bollywood With Love.
Read full storyNASA's space probe Phoenix will dig for water, oil on Moon
Cape Canaveral, Florida - (Ass Mess): This weekend sees NASA's launch of the unmanned Phoenix probe which will prospect large parts of the moon for oil, diamonds and water.
Read full storyBeat you to the Arctic Floor 20 Years Ago Chevron Oil tells Putin's daftass sub
Arctic Ocean - (Ass Mess): Russian oil prospectors arrived in a Kursk replica submarine on the Arctic seabed this morning some 14,000 ft below the North Pole and were about to plant their country's traditional skull 'n' crossbone...
Read full storyBush gave Gorgon Brown "vibrating fur-trimmed leather thong"
London - (Ass Mess): Details of last week's Camp David summit gift exchange between President George Bush and UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown has been revealed.
Read full storyGeorge Best shagged Bin Laden's new daughter-in-law
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Osama Bin Laden's new daughter-in-law was once shagged by footballer George Best according to Foreign Orifice sources today.
Read full storyFrank Murkowski next say FBI sources
Anchorage, Alaska - (Disatser Press): FBI sources investigating the murky dealings of the Corrupt Bastards Club have hinted strongly that former Governor of Alaska and ex-US Senator Frank Murkowski is likely to be probed following the raid on Senator...
Read full storyCompassionate Conservatism means witness Omerta
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Suborning witnesses with Presidential executive priviledge orders has long been a GOP favortie technique on Capitol Hill when the going gets rough.
Read full storyTree Surgeon Faces Malpractice Suit
"I was a little surprised by the charges of malpractice," said long-time Connecticut tree surgeon Gary Minnowitz, "I've always provided my patients with the best possible care, and I just plain love trees - sometimes physically. I...
Read full storyDonald Rumsfeld sees 'Significant Progress' in Barry Bonds being stuck on 754
US and A (XYZ News) - Since stepping down as US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld is enjoying the things he loves most. Namely, playing the guitar, testifying before Congress, and following baseball.
Read full storyJoey Barton Charged With Exposing Himself
Footballer and hatchet man Joey Barton has been charged with 'exposing himself' by police, after he displayed his backside following a match at Everton last season. A lesser...
Read full storyWest Nile Virus Traced to East Coast Studio
The fragile truce that had been established between P Diddy's East Coast Bad Boy Entertainment and Snoop Dogg's West Coast Death Row Records is in danger of collapsing. At a sit-down in Hastings, Nebraska, chosen for its neutral location, me...
Read full storyBridge Collapse Induces Reporters Brilliant Questions
Minneapolis, Minnesota (IP) - The tragic and needless collapse of the Minneapolis bridge has brought with it the usual barrage of idiotic and inane questions by major television and local reporters as well. Disaster scene observer Ebenezer Finootch...
Read full storyBridge Collapse Iraq War Casualty
Minneapolis, MN (IP) - The federal government began its hunt for scapegoats at the local and state level today so as to divert attention from the impending threat to America's entire highway infrastructure. Our on-the-scene investigative reporte...
Read full storyThe question that no-one can answer?
Academics at the London University New Academic Terminology Information Centre (L.U.N.A.T.I.C.) have announced that their 20 year search for the "Question that has no answer" has finally ended.
Read full storyEuropean Super League announced
Mikail Plattoni Muli billionaire oligark has announced the formation of a new European Super League.
Read full storyWax figures stolen, police "clueless"
Dozens of figures from the Irish Republic's National Wax Museum have been damaged or stolen after a "rave" party at a warehouse, officials say.
Read full storyCrunchy Leaves In July Evidence Of Global Warming
A noted scientist in the West Midlands has, what he calls, indisputable and irrefutable proof that the Earth's climate is changing. Dr Paul H Griddler, an eminent local quack, says that a chance discovery whilst out walking in the park with his 5-...
Read full storyPresident Bush Vehemently Denies Charges of Incontinence
Washington D.C. -- In response to his rapidly plummeting poll numbers and the recent revelations that the word most likely to be associated with his presidency is "incompetent," President Bush lashed out at members of the assembled press co...
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