Bridge Collapse Induces Reporters Brilliant Questions

Thursday, 2 August 2007


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Minneapolis, Minnesota (IP) - The tragic and needless collapse of the Minneapolis bridge has brought with it the usual barrage of idiotic and inane questions by major television and local reporters as well. Disaster scene observer Ebenezer Finootch moved quietly among the crowds of TV reporters who were crawling all over the accident scene in a frantic effort to be seen on the scene by their adoring fans back home.

Mr. Finootch quietly approached Max Flauer from the Tomorrow Show on NBCC. Max was quite obviously hung over from his stay at the local Holiday Inn where he had been boozing it up all night and he had picked up one of the local bimbos. Despite taking a handful of Viagra his long sleepless night with the bimbo had been less than satisfying from her point of view. Now he found himself all red eyed and his short hair appeared all disheveled as he stumbled up to a man who had been under the bridge when it started to collapse. Max asked the man how the children on the school bus had reacted to the bridge collapsing beneath them.

The man could hardly believe what he was hearing and replied that the children were all doing high fives and jiving and shucking and jumping for joy. Max doesn't really pay any attention to the answers to his stupid questions and thanked the man profusely for his eyewitness account of the disaster. Meanwhile the scene shifted back to the Tomorrow Show in New York and all of the women on the sidewalk outside the studio were cheering and waving and their high pitched squawking noises reminded Mr. Finootch of the high pitched wailing noises that Palestinian women had sang while they passed out candy to children in the streets of Beirut in celebration of the effects of 9-11.

The NBCC Tomorrow Show hostess was being pulled between two forces. She had to force away her usual blissful smile and feign a sorrowful look for the TV audience. A few times she was caught off guard by the camera laughing and smiling and she quickly and skillfully changed her facial demeanor to artificially reflect the tragedy du jour. She was really earning her $17,000 a day pay today.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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