Minneapolis, MN (IP) - The federal government began its hunt for scapegoats at the local and state level today so as to divert attention from the impending threat to America's entire highway infrastructure. Our on-the-scene investigative reporter Morales Finootch asked a state bridge inspector how such a tragedy could have possibly happened. Inspector Brucke Von Ruinen replied that federal money that was originally intended to be spent on rebuilding the bridge had been diverted along with the rest of the half a trillion dollars and spent on the war in Iraq.
Mr. Finootch was just about to ask the inspector another question when suddenly the president's helicopter came in for a landing within fifty meters of where they were standing. President Bush waved and smiled as he stepped out of chopper and Mr. Finootch was able to get a direct news scoop straight from the jaws of America's maximum leader.
Without even being asked Mr. Bush began to speak about how freedom was on the march in Iraq ( but not in China, North Korea, Iran, Vietnam, Saudi Arabia, and Cuba). He said that he realized that the collapse of the bridge was a great tragedy but that we as Americans must be prepared to make more sacrifices in order to bring freedom and democracy to 12th world Iraq despite the fact that they really could care less about freedom and democracy while knowing fully well that in America these things have gone the way of the Dodo bird and other extinct species.
Mr. Bush says that after a trillion dollars is spent in Iraq that Haliburton and the Carlisle group will be hired to rebuild the infrastructure here in America and that in the meantime Americans should be prepared to take risks by driving over other dilapidated bridges and broken highways.
Mr. Bush then broke away from the interview for a photo opportunity with grieving survivors of the victims of the bridge collapse.