Britney Spears, American Idol and Antonella Barba inspire new Jackson & Perkins roses
Jackson and Perkins, the nations oldest rose company (now owned by Harry and David), surprised gardeners this spring by coming out with a new rose named after Britney Spears. It's called the Britney Rose.
Read full storyHollywood plans giant inflatable Anna Nicole Smith breasts tribute
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Plans to erect a giant inflatable pair of breasts high above the 'Hollywood' sign in the celebrated California hills were announced today.
Read full storyEntire Justice Department Announces Resignation
WASHINGTON -- The remaining employees of the United States Department of Justice submitted their resignations yesterday, becoming the third-ranking through the 35,473rd-ranking Justice Department aides to quit in the aftermath of the firings of eight...
Read full storyThe Lord smites Cardinal George during Easter blessing
Chicago - (Satanic Press): Cardinal Francis George, Primate of Chicago, was mysteriously struck down in public today while blessing Easter baskets.
Read full storyLord Levy under sedition as pregnant former Prescott secretary executed in Battersea flat
South London - (Ass Mess): Cash-for-honors top mobster Lord Levy is understood to be under heavy sedition tonight following UK news coverage that a former secretary working for Deputy Prime Monster John Prescott was executed with two bullets to the s...
Read full storyBarney Denies (Dis)Charge, Did Not Soil Oval Office
The Rose Garden, April 7 -- Newly-named Ambassador to France Barney (R-Terrier) strenuously denied charges that he discharged "all over the oval office."...
Read full storyPope Writes USA and Britain Are Plundering Iraq and Afghanistan In New Book
VATICAN CITY (UPI) - Rich countries such as the USA and Britain are bent on power and profit and are mercilessly plundering and sacking Iraq, Afghanistan and other poor regions of the world, Pope Benedict writes in his first book.
Read full storyUN's Top Diplomat Arrested
April 07, 2007 (London) - It's been revealed UN chief Bank di-money has been arrested immediately after securing a breakthrough on the thorny issue of Darfur, Sudan but the 'deal' went sour.
Read full storyRugged Individualism Gone Wild: The latest instalment in the "Gone Wild" series
From the makers of Girls Gone Wild, Nuns Gone Wild, Amish Girls Gone Wild and Milk Gone Wild comes the new video--Rugged Individualism Gone Wild. Joe Francis of Mantra Productions has decided to put the lens on his conscience this time. Now that...
Read full storyVirtual Ayn Rand to run for U.S. presidency
IRVINE, CA -- As Ayn Rand fans worldwide celebrate the 50th anniversary of Rand's best-selling opus "Atlas Shrugged" the Estate of Ayn Rand has announced that they have developed a computer program enabling the queen of philosophical fi...
Read full storyUS conceptual artist turns trash into $$$ trash
Washington DC - (Rubbish Press): An American conceptual artist Chris Goodwin has found a lucrative new way of turning street rubbish into highly marketable art gallery rubbish with his "trashballs" creation.
Read full storyTroops Not Happy with Halliburton Toilet Paper
US soldiers have expressed anger over the quality of toilet paper that Halliburton is providing the military with, saying it is at least one inch narrower than normal rolls and is the cause of unwelcome racing stripes.
Read full storyMexicans to torch Bush effigy in Judas burning rite
Mexico City - (Rioters): The traditional Holy Saturday festivities of burning Judas effigies wil commence today with the ritual brning of a puppet of George W Bush who is viewed by most Mexicans as the incarnation of the New Testament arch-traitor.
Read full storyTroops Demand New Uniforms to Reflect Current Morale
It is reported that the troops in Iraq, suffering from an all-time low morale, have demanded new uniforms to reflect their current state of mind.
Read full storyPope admits to Nazi cover-up in Easter ritual
Rome - (Satanic Press): The Pope reassured many Catholics last night with a dramatically bauglerised rendition of the Stations of the Cross which is one of the Church's core Easter fantasy rituals.
Read full storyResearchers identify gene affecting dog genital size
Scientists at the National Institutes of Health were baffled to find a breed of Chihuahua with a nine-inch penis and wondered why all the other breeds that they studied didn't have this evolutionary or man-made development. Nathan Sutter and his...
Read full storyIran seeks goodwill over captives
Iran's ambassador to London has said Britain should respond "in a positive way" to the release of the 15 Royal Navy personnel held for 13 days.
Read full storySuperman's pantyhose rockets at auction
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): A Superman costume once worn by Keanu Reeves has sold for $115,000 (£58,000) in a Hollywood film auction.
Read full storyOrgasm transplants: China issues new rules
Beijing - (ReUterus): New regulations governing human orgasm transplants have been issued by the Chinese government according to state media reports.
Read full storyTiger "Spends Too Much Time In The" Woods
The Augusta Masters Golf Championship reached its halfway stage last night with former champion Tiger Woods once again in trouble with officials at the course.
Read full story"Women Don't Belong In British Army" - Claim
Claims made in a British national newspaper that women do not belong in the Armed Forces have angered some high-ranking British Army officials.
Read full storySteinbrenner Bush-Latest Merger!
Yankee owner George Steinbrenner has managed once again to spend obscene amounts of money on a team that has now lost to both of the AL East's worst teams in only three games!...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4YourGenitalia-Easter Offering
In our Passover Special we mentioned that letters about sex and the holy days came from all religious traditions and so we have decided to follow up the inquiries from God's chosen with the queries we received from God's Sons Chosen People. Christians of every brand and trademark have flooded us with their sexsual concerns. Here is a small sampling:...
Read full storyBush's Barney Defecates All Over the Oval Office!
Bush's man's best friend has become the last creature in the US and possibly the world to have defecated on the Bush presidency. In a heart-warming story of canine loyalty to almost the end, Barney the Scot Terrier has stood by W through his...
Read full storyIMUS Down With Nappy Hoes!
Radio host Don Imus called the Rutgers University women's basketball team "nappy headed hos" on his nationally syndicated program.
Read full storyGonzo Sacrifices Aide On Good Friday!
Cheney had Scooter fall on his sword like a loyal gladiator and Attorney General Gonzales has crucified his closest aide on the very appropriate memorial day to the betrayal of Jesus. Gonzales' top aide abruptly quit on Friday, April 6, 2007, alm...
Read full storySwifty Sam : The Belgium Chocolate Ambassador
George Bernard Shaw's Arms and the Man provided us with the satirical "chocolate soldier" Another George tried to place a contemporary chocolate soldier into the embassy in Belgium even though (or for the very reason that!) he was one o...
Read full storyBillie Piper - Going Back To The Tardis!
In a shock announcement from the Doctor Who prduction office, it has been revealed that Billie Piper is to return to the programme AS THE DOCTOR!...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo to join Real Madrid?
The president of Real Madrid has declared C. Ronaldo as his main "50 million dollar summer target" in an attempt to win the next La Liga.
Read full storyEngland Australia Ashes tests snuffed out by Keith Richards.
It has been one of sports and more importantly cricket's most fiercely contested matches, a test match that for two months every couple of years puts two countries, linked by the same historical umbilical cord on a virtual war footing.
Read full storyBritney, Paris, Lindsay Jealous of Success of Antonella, Alaina, and Shyamali
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan are not happy. Lindsay, famous for her multiple nip-slips, is furious. Paris, famous for her sex tapes and wild lifestyle, is angry. Britney, famous for pictures of her exiting a limo without panties...
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