US soldiers have expressed anger over the quality of toilet paper that Halliburton is providing the military with, saying it is at least one inch narrower than normal rolls and is the cause of unwelcome racing stripes.
"We want to assure the government that we are willing to go over and above the call of duty to get these menacing stains out and to provide the best laundry service available for $98 a load," said Halliburton's CEO.
"We are also giving Uncle Sam a rock-bottom price on the troops' daily rations of chili con carne and prune smoothies--two Halliburton staples."
