Written by KEN RYNNE

Saturday, 7 April 2007

image for Entire Justice Department Announces Resignation
An Army of One!

WASHINGTON -- The remaining employees of the United States Department of Justice submitted their resignations yesterday, becoming the third-ranking through the 35,473rd-ranking Justice Department aides to quit in the aftermath of the firings of eight U.S. attorneys.

The departure of everyone from Monica M. Goodling, 33, Senior Counsellor to the Attorney General, Liaison to the White House, & College Republican Entertainment Chair, to 33-year Justice emplyee Clarence Johnson, 63, the Acting Deputy Night Watchman, Southeast Door, comes two weeks after Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's Chief of Staff Kyle Sampson resigned to spend more time at home with his wife, Delilah.

"Attorney General Gonzales's hold on the department gets more tenuous every day," said Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-NY) who previously has been totally silent on the subject.

In a letter late yesterday to Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick J. Leahy, (D-VT), the Justice Department said the departures render moot any conflicts between the Justice aides and others who remain employed at Justice, namely, Gonzales.

Attorney General Gonzales, during an office-to-office search for the light switch, was heard to mutter that the Justice Department only came into existence in 1870, June 22, 1870, so it was clearly "the original intent" of the Founding Fathers of 1789 that there be NO Justice Department.

"Ipso facto, Justice Gonzo," he blurted without further comment or explanation as he skate-boarded out of sight down the empty corridor of glistening marble. The lights at Justice were still out at press time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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