Chicago - (Satanic Press): Cardinal Francis George, Primate of Chicago, was mysteriously struck down in public today while blessing Easter baskets.
The local radio station reported that the Cardinal was struck by a "bolt from the blue" around 11 am at Saint Ferdinand's Parish on Chicago's North Side, during the basket-case ceremony.
This ancient Holy Saturday rite beatifies assorted trugs and creels associated with Jesus's first forays into the catering industry when he fed the multitides with five loaves and two fishes from two ropey old hampers.
A spokseman from George's Archdiocese said they were not sure if the 70-year-old was injured or if he'd struck his head.
But some congregation witnesses said it was plain that the wrath of the Lord was at work today because George is on record at covering up the child molesting activities of the Reverend Daniel McCormack, who was charged with two counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse in January last year.
The diocese is being sued for $100 million by victims of serial child sex cover-ups and faces bankruptcy.
George was taken to hospital where his condition is said to be far from satisfactory.
