Rugged Individualism Gone Wild: The latest instalment in the "Gone Wild" series

Funny story written by King David

Saturday, 7 April 2007

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Two rugged individualists exposed for what they are

From the makers of Girls Gone Wild, Nuns Gone Wild, Amish Girls Gone Wild and Milk Gone Wild comes the new video--Rugged Individualism Gone Wild. Joe Francis of Mantra Productions has decided to put the lens on his conscience this time.

Now that he's a millionaire and no longer has to worry about cash flow, he can feel free to contribute toward the betterment of culture and society.

"Yes, the human conscience is not a gland on the human body, and, therefore, cannot be seen with the naked eye, or touched with the fingertips. It must be tapped and experienced from within," confirmed Dr. Sigmund Soda.

In Francis' expose, Rugged Individualism Gone Wild, the filmmaker, using state-of-the-art docu-drama techniques, takes his audience back to the 17th and 18th centuries to the founding of America, English philosopher John Locke and the notion of liberalism, revolution and the self and to free-market capitalism, an extreme form of democracy, or democracy without volunteerism.

Basically, according to Francis, the roots of rugged individualism came from the doctrine that stated the American economy would be controlled by free-market forces in the business community and that it was up to every American to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, or lose out.

"To simplify, this created all kinds of rushes," said Francis. "In the early days it was the rush to colonize and kill Indians and the rush to pass laws giving them only small reservations to live on before their horses could take them to Washington in time to protest the signing of the bills into law….

...Then, in the American Middle Ages, it was the gold rush, the western frontier and the rush to harvest your crops before the first freeze of the year...

...Finally, it was the rush to industrialization and building infrastructure and highways connecting every conceivable part of the country as if it were some goddamned cadaver to practice putting sutures on! The only thing left out of the rush was half of Alabama, a good chunk of Georgia, several western states, John Edwards' southern drawl and the North Carolina Outter Banks, which, thank God, was left with only a ferry to take you across…

….Now, in American modern culture, everything is a rush. Count them--the rush get there first, the rush to war, the rush-hour traffic, the rush to eat fast-food, the rush to grow up, the rush to get married and have children, the rush to the supermarket, the rush to get the kids off in the morning, the rush to get the taxes off. About the only redeeming rush in modern culture America is a 1970's rock group from Canada making another American tour…."

In short, said the filmmaker, "America has become a nation of romantic conurbation. It's as if all the developers in the country lined up and masturbated and wherever their seed landed, that's where they developed. There's absolutely no vision here. But if they want to go back to the land of milk and honey, well, I've got that video too."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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