Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan warned of curse at waxworks museum
London - (Rotters): Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan has been startled to learn that an ancient Punjab curse hangs over his newly unveiled waxwork at Madam Tussauds in London.
Read full storyChanges to Indy 500 announced.
Indianapolis Motor Speedway- Fans reacted with mixed emotions today as it was announced that major changes to the Indy 500 will take place just months before the actual race. Some reacted with joy that the sport will undergo changes that will make i...
Read full storyBush Administration abstinence program shrink Horny resigns
Washington DC - (ReUterus): Wade Horny, an Assistant Secretary for abstinence, children and marriage, has suddenly resigned from his post at the Department of Health and Human Disservice to spend more time with his bank account.
Read full storySmall town turns the tables on Morale Majority
Arizona- The small town of Burg has only 3,500 souls dreaming away under its hot dessert sun. That's not a very impressive number until you dig a little deeper. It's then that you find out that 95% of that population is homosexual.
Read full storyKu Klux Klan Member to Spend Summer Working on Tan
Brinford, SC - A high-ranking member of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) announced to his wife today that he would be spending the summer working on his tan.
Read full storyVirgie Arthur's cot death fears for grand daughter Dannielynn
Bahamas - (Rioters): Virgie Smith has voiced her hex fears that baby grand daughter Dannielynn will soon drop dead of congenital sudden inexplicable death syndrome like her big brother Daniel Smith and mother Anna Nicole unless the child is given an...
Read full storyGovernment Cracks Down on "Little Joey's Lemonade Stand" Price Gouging
Springville, UT - President Bush announced today that he would begin an investigation to prove that "Little Joey's Lemonade Stand" was gouging people for their money, and that "swift and powerful retribution" would soon follow...
Read full storyJP2 sainthood bid: "What about the wife & kids in England?" ask cops
London - (Ass Press): The fast track canonisation process to declare Pope JP2 a saint took a dramatic twist into unknown territory as UK anti-terror cops asked that all-important celibacy question that the might have slipped the Vatican's mind:
Read full storyScience fair student stops terroist
Hazlewood, MO- In this well to due suburb of St. Louis, everyone thought they were safe from terrorism. Thanks to Billy Smith, they still are.
Read full storyFrance's Fast Train Smashes Speed Record, Travels to the Future, Smashes Buildings and People
France's new fast train has smashed the previous fast train record. However, in so doing, it has gone so fast it has accidentally traveled forward in time, like Michael J Fox in Back to the Future.
Read full storyMerck and Philip Morris To Merge
(Wilmington--DE) At a joint press conference today, pharmaceutical giant Merck and tobacco tower Philip Morris announced that they will merge. The union became destined when both companies realized that "our products kill people," said Merc...
Read full storyDemocrats Cut -- Pelosi Runs
Democrats in the House of Representatives have reportedly voted to cut funding for Homeland Security, the Military, God, Motherhood and Baseball.
Read full storyScienctists discover shocking fact about cancer.
Scientists working on a joint team from the Centers for Disease control and the EPA have announced a shocking find concerning cancer. California is the cause of at least 90% of all cancer in the U.S.
Read full storyThe Real Elton John Goes on AARP Cruise for 60TH Birthday
Despite claims of a lavish 60th birthday weekend that included a celebrity-filled Madison Square Garden concert on March 25th, it has been confirmed that the Elton John at those events was a professional aging-rock-star body double.
Read full storyGingrich Throws Hat in Ring as Gary Coleman Announces Presidential Bid
Newt Gingrich, who said he would only run for president if absolutely necessary as a last resort, has entered the race as a result of Different Strokes' actor Gary Coleman's recent announcement that he will run.
Read full storyGary Coleman Forms Presidential Exploratory Committee
Different Strokes' actor Gary Coleman has formed a presidential exploratory committee as the first step toward announcing his candidacy for the Democratic nomination.
Read full storyMary-Kate & Ashley Olsen Getting Boob Jobs
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA--(TEENS BEAT)The media misquoted us when we said, "Heaven KNOWS these Pair of Boobs need cosmetic surgery", Mary-Kate shrills and giggles "We didn't mean "NOSE" as i...
Read full storyCurry's in Sat Nav apology to Navy
The UK's largest electrical retailers, Curry's, today admitted that Sat Nav sets sold to the Royal Navy "may have been a bit iffy". However, the high street giant refused to take the blame for the diplomatic crisis with Iran that h...
Read full story41-Year-Old Virgin Spends $40 to Find a Mate
London - (ReUterus & Ass Press): There comes a time in every virgin's life to consider her hormones and survival of the species.
Read full storyBlair: 48 hours to save my ass
Drowning Street - (Disaster Press): UK Prime Monster Tony Blair said today the next 48 hours are crucial to save him, his gargoyle wife Cherie and the entire Labour Party from the gallows.
Read full storyBush tops Most Foolish American list
Washington DC - (Rioters): How does he do it? And why can't anybody better his record? Those are the questions baffling hundreds of millions of Americans this week following the news that for the seventh year in a row George W Bush has topped the...
Read full storyBrand New Paris Hilton Sex Tape Shock! Worse Than the First.
It's been several weeks since lonely internet surfer, Jack Kilby, announced to the world that he didn't think 'One Night in Paris' was very good.
Read full storyFears over new cancer threat
Doctors at The Harley Street Cancer Centre, London have made a startling discovery that could link email, with certain carcinogenic effects. Dr Robert Ectum who is leading the research has stated that his finding make for 'worrying reading'.
Read full storyShropshire Declares Independence
In a dramatic revolution yesterday the English county of Shropshire declared independence from the rest of the United Kingdom. Shropshire, sandwiched between the Midlands and Wales, is known as a traditional county with no public aspirations of indep...
Read full storyBob Woolmer Mystery - Police To Use New System Of Crime Detection
Police hunting the killer of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer say they will use a new system of Crime Detection to arrest someone by Saturday evening - even if it isn't the person who committed the heinous act.
Read full storyTIMMMBBBBERRR! Jason says: No Mo Gossip Columns!
Jason Timberlake about whom nobody knows what he really does for a living has decided to denounce the very gossip columns that have made his career: "They turn everything into a soap opera and that is what I counted on since I had no real talent...
Read full storyIt's Holy Week and AskFrFred$$giveness
AskFrFred$$Giveness has decided to abandon the more literal 44 4 the $ that is really at the heart of most religion...
Read full storyItalian Illegal Makes Gelato. Welcome Back,Compare!
US immigration officials have been shipping, flying and driving back undocumented "neighbors' of every color, origin and language in the us' latest know-nothing backlash against immigrants. An interesting exception has been Nazario Melic...
Read full storyThird Year Plague Attacks US Airlines!
American flyers and International air travelers into the US have lost mo' luggage, mo' time and mo' peace of mind fo' another thud year in a ro'! Nigga' Nuuzz, ther newest, latest African American airline analyst denounces fli...
Read full storyFlorida repeats in no longer N "c" AA
For years now the Collegiate "c" in NCAA has been lower case and thus in serious question based on numerous factors like the age, the GPA, the IQ and the Criminal record of so-called college athletes. Florida basketball's rare repeat of...
Read full storyKnight Rider Trans Am Kitt Up For Sale
K.I.T.T., The Knight Industries Two Thousand talking car from the 80's television show Knight Rider, is up for sale. The car, which had artificial intelligence, spoke, nad had an attitude helped David Hasselhoff to catch the bad guys in the week...
Read full storyReal Madrid's David Beckham Recalled to the England Team
David Beckham is set to be recalled to the England squad by manager Steve McClaren after a series of pathetically bad performances by England.
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