Fears over new cancer threat

Written by aberjay

Tuesday, 3 April 2007

image for Fears over new cancer threat
Does it cause cancer?

Doctors at The Harley Street Cancer Centre, London have made a startling discovery that could link email, with certain carcinogenic effects. Dr Robert Ectum who is leading the research has stated that his finding make for 'worrying reading'. For some time expects at the centre have suggested the possibility that a strain of electronic cancer or c@ncer could be a result of radiation leaked from monitors when emails are sent or received. Over the past year and a half these suspicions have been repeatedly presented to the labour party and sent to other key players in the health service but were simply dismissed as "utter bollocks". However many people have been left wondering, in a world when just about everything else can cause cancer, why not email.

Dr Ectum stated that "ten years ago the idea of email causing cancer would have just been scoffed at, but we have had serious suspicions for some time, and now we know for certain it will be interesting to see how official partly lines change in reaction to the news." More worryingly it seems the problem is rooted deeper than the researchers at first thought "recent studies have shown that it isn't just those who use email who are at risk, a person using a work station in a library or internet café or even in a wifi enabled bar could suffer the effects of sending and receiving up to sixty emails, the so called, passive mailing"

However the situation will not be a simple one to resolve, as it is estimated that around 60% of the earth's population use email, with heavier users sending thirty emails daily. The 'charity c@ncer research' have called for certain changes to be made in the use of email "firstly it is important that children should not be exposed to this danger, and we will petition to government to raise the age of email use to sixteen, secondly bold and prominent warnings of the danger to ones health should feature on all emails to educate those already using the internet service, and thirdly a complete ban on email usage in enclosed public spaces within the next five years. Until these restrictions can come into effect, all that can be done is to try and warn as many as possible to the dangers they may well be subjecting themselves and their familiars to".

While further research is done to calculate the exact extent of the problem a warning has been issued to every email address in existence to alert people to the danger and put a temporary halt to the use of 'electronic mail'

"We know that by issuing the warning via email we may be putting people at risk, but it's the only way we could be assured of reaching everyone who uses email."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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