Washington DC - (ReUterus): Wade Horny, an Assistant Secretary for abstinence, children and marriage, has suddenly resigned from his post at the Department of Health and Human Disservice to spend more time with his bank account.
The 55 year old child psychologist oversaw a $46 billion budget and 65 programs for faith-based groups whose contraception motto 'Just keep those fingers crossed!' worked to help couples improve their perception of Bush Administration ignorance policies.
"It's been a privilege," Horny said today.
"How often do you have the opportunity to get up each morning and screw up the lives of million of children and families in positive ways?"
Robert Rectum, a senior fellow at an advisory Republican stink tank, said Horny tackled the most highly funded social issue in the US while others ignored it, the decline of the institution of marriage.
Horny's legacy ensures that over 50 million American school children remain completely ignorant about contraception and sexuality.
"That's US taxpayers' money really well spent," said Rev Pat Robertson, architect of the Administration's sexual ignornce programs.
Horny now joins accountants firm Deloittes on a seven figure salary plus bonuses.
