Cristiano Ronaldo has announced his retirement from self-publicity after breaking the international goal-scoring record. The 36-year-old Portugal and Manchester United star said he would take a step back from being in the limelight for 23 hours an…
Manchester United have the real thing, but Leyton Orient, lower division London club, have dived into the transfer market and spent £10 on the other version! After United's scrappy win over Wolves, United fans went delirious and waved a cardboard…
MANCHESTER, England – (Sports Satire) – England’s Tickety Boo News has uncovered a scandal that involves one of the best sports teams in the world of soccer, or football as they call it in the United Kingdom. TBN reporter Neville Twickenbuck, said…
England soccer star and all-round top bloke Marcus Rashford has been contacted by God, asking him why he has become so popular. The Manchester United striker and child poverty campaigner received an email out of the blue from the almighty one, ask…
NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) – The largest company in the entire world, Bezos-Musk, Inc., has just made an offer to purchase England’s most popular football team (soccer in the US), the Manchester United Red Devils. Jeff Bezos said that althoug…
BILLINGSGATE POST: Pointing to the sky after England’s 2-0 victory over Germany, Harry Maguire said that he was dedicating this victory to Monkey Woods. The United captain was named UEFA's Star of the Match after the Three Lions beat their rivals i…
The perennial garbage chain perpetrated by UK tabloids has begun, and in 2021, a special year, Manchester United have decided not to ignore the annual bullshit spewed out by The Sun, Express, Daily Star, Daily Mirror, etc. The Covid19 pandemic, an…
Normally speaking being in a 'Light Blue' mood would be more positive than in a 'Dark Blue' mood, philosophically speaking. However, last night 'Light blue' meant severe depression in the city of Manchester as they were 'Blitz-Krieged' by a marauding…
LOS ANGELES – (Sports Satire) – After two years of negotiations, it is now official that the Los Angeles Galaxy will travel to London to play the Manchester United Red Devils in Wembley Stadium in August. Zorro La Bamba, reporter with the Sports…
The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he woul…
After last Wednesday's humiliating home defeat at the hands of the Premier League's basement club, Sheffield United, Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has made a heartfelt statement to the club's fans, officially apologising for his team's…
After last year's success, when Liverpool Football Club won their first top flight title in three decades, few people would have bet against Jurgen Klopp's men repeating the feat this time around, but after a humiliating 1-0 defeat against Burnley at…
(NOT EDITED) After their drab, dire, boring, super-footy-show yesterday, the Manchester United manager has come out and verbally attacked (maybe he should have done that on the pitch at Anfield) the Liverpool FC manager, Klopp! "Juergen, you are a…
As traditional football rivalries go, they don't get much bigger than this - Merseyside versus Greater Manchester - a sizzling northwest encounter in store for fans who have been waiting for this particular contest with eager anticipation since the f…
Manchester United and England defender Harry Maguire has said that, despite his team's 'ordinary' start to the campaign, the Premier League is wide open this season, and practically anybody could end up being champions - except for Sheffield United,…
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a rare display of emotion, Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, blamed his most ardent fan, Monkey Woods, for the spiritless ambiance that permeated Old Trafford yesterday, as Manchester United and Manchester City drew 0-0…
(NOT EDITED) Sleeping tablets can be addictive, cause liver damage, and by overdoses, death! Doctors worried about the abuse of sleeping tablets usage have been studying other methods of getting people to sleep, and out of their insomniac misery.
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