Manchester United Boss Issues Apology To Fans

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 31 January 2021

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Pure, unadulterated rubbish

After last Wednesday's humiliating home defeat at the hands of the Premier League's basement club, Sheffield United, Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has made a heartfelt statement to the club's fans, officially apologising for his team's lacklustre performance at Old Trafford.

The Red Devils were humbled by the South Yorkshire strugglers, and, to make matters worse, the visitors were playing in pink shirts!

The Norwegian made an impassioned speech to the club's long-suffering fans, acknowledging that the United performance was not up to scratch, and didn't mince his words.

He said:

"We were shite. Harry was a bit off the pace tonight. He reckons it was because of a fish supper he had the night before with his girlfriend, Fern."

And Marcus Rashford also bore the brunt:

"Marcus looked sluggish. Probably stayed up late organising stuff on his school dinners project."

And the foreign players weren't spared either:

"Paul Pogba, Bruno Fernandes, and Edinson Cavani were most likely 'wine tasting', if you know what I mean."

He absolved himself from blame though:

"It's nothing to do with me! I just pick the team, but once they go out there onto the pitch, I can't do anything. If they can't beat a bunch of losers like Sheffield United, they might as well give up, and go and get proper jobs! Absolute rubbish!"

Fans agreed with Solskjaer, but one said:

"I think they were put off by the pink shirts!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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