(NOT EDITED) Sleeping tablets can be addictive, cause liver damage, and by overdoses, death! Doctors worried about the abuse of sleeping tablets usage have been studying other methods of getting people to sleep, and out of their insomniac misery.
One intelligent Manchester United fan, a professor at Leeds University, after watching utterly pathetic performances of his beloved team, especially derby games, and falling asleep after 45 minutes, has now found a perfect remedy for insomnia problems!
After United's last feeble attempt to prove to the world they are the 'biggest thing on the planet' and causing millions of global TV footy fans to enter dreamland, watching Liverpool, the professor rushed to Leeds, where they at least attempt to play exciting football, and wrote a thesis about this fantastic new medicine guaranteed to send millions of insomniacs into a deep sleep! ZZZZZZZZZZ!
The WHO (World Health Organisation) approved the professor's 'vaccine' and has ordered global doctors to stop prescribing sleeping tablets immediately! All global insomniacs will now receive SKY Sports and BT Sport for nothing. They are advised only to watch Manchester United games, not real football. and will be guaranteed to have at least 8 hours healthy sleep commencing after 15 minutes of United's dire performances.
After United were kicked out of the Champions League at a loss of £19.5 million quid, they will now be compensated by companies advertising on Sky Sports and BT Sports to the tune of £19,5 million quid.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will receive a knighthood from the Queen for his services to humankind in saving insomniacs from committing suicide due to overdoses of sleeping tablets! Instead, they can now watch Manchester United perform with no side effects!
Swan Lake was also tested, but not boring enough!