Harry Maguire Blames Monkey Woods For Scoreless Draw

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 13 December 2020

image for Harry Maguire Blames Monkey Woods For Scoreless Draw
Monkey Woods singing the Blues

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a rare display of emotion, Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, blamed his most ardent fan, Monkey Woods, for the spiritless ambiance that permeated Old Trafford yesterday, as Manchester United and Manchester City drew 0-0 in the 183rd derby of this intercity contest for bragging rights.

Lacking the unconditional support of the team’s most wacko fan, there was no atmosphere, no intensity and no goals as United accepted the draw with arch rivals City with quiet acquiescence.

The rivals are both unusually low in the Premier League. United are eighth and City, who havewon the league three times since since their neighbours last lifted the trophy in 2013, are a point and place behind.

“We’re not happy to draw 0-0 at home at Old Trafford,“ United captain Harry Maguire said, “and to not create any big chances for fans to get out of their recliners and throw beer on each other. Where was Monkey Woods when we needed him most?”

With United failing to score in three games at Old Trafford, there has been little joy for them watching from home this season.

Slim: “I never understood why Monkey Woods idolized the worthless bastard in the first place.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Strange bedfellows, indeed.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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