Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Says He Wishes He Had A Tenner For Every Spoof Written About Him

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 11 February 2021

image for Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Says He Wishes He Had A Tenner For Every Spoof Written About Him
Will this do?

The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he would be a rich man.

Maguire, 27, is the player at the centre of the record-breaking £80million transfer from Leicester City that is still talked about, even though it happened in the summer of 2019.

Since then, he has been reported to have been involved in all kinds of unlikely shenanigans

The Yorkshire-born brick shithouse said:

"Some of it is true, of course, but many of the stories were clearly fake. Even so, I wish I had a tenner for each one!"

The United captain explained:

"The one about Jamie Vardy was true, and that temper tantrums one, but how could anybody possibly believe there was any credibility in the one about me being seen mincing in the Arndale Centre, or that ridiculous one about the Norwich City fan abduction? Plus, I thought Albert Camus was the left-back at Paris St. Germain."

But, he admitted:

"Someone did shit in me football boots. That was real."

There was little sympathy for the player, however, bearing in mind he receives £189,000 a week salary, whilst many families and old people in Britain struggle to make ends meet, often having to make a straight choice between whether to eat something or turn the gas fire on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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