Harry Maguire Says Premier League Wide Open This Year

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 15 December 2020

image for Harry Maguire Says Premier League Wide Open This Year
It's wide open, but Sheffield United won't finish top

Manchester United and England defender Harry Maguire has said that, despite his team's 'ordinary' start to the campaign, the Premier League is wide open this season, and practically anybody could end up being champions - except for Sheffield United, that is!

Maguire, 27, is already a legend at Old Trafford, and was speaking after United's drab and dismal 0-0 draw with Manchester City at the weekend. He said:

"There's no reason why United can't win the title. Liverpool were last season's champions, but were beaten 7-2 by Aston Villa. We were only beaten 1-0 by Villa, which proves we are better than Liverpool."

But there was also bad news:

"Leeds went to Villa and won 3-0, so that means they are better than Villa, better than we are, and better than Liverpool, but then they had already been beaten 4-3 at Liverpool, so it's all a bit confusing, to tell the truth!"

In fact, said Maguire, picking a winner, at this stage, was:

"Nigh-on impossible. Tottenham, Chelsea, my old mates at Leicester, and even Southampton - who Leicester demolished 8-0 at The Dell not long ago - are all in with a shout, as well as us and City."

It was, he said, "a right old muddle!"

And teams such as Chelsea, and Arsenal should never be written off, even though Chelsea lost against Wolves last night - Wolves who lost to 10-man Villa last weekend! - and the Gunners had been humbled by lowly Burnley on Saturday.

Said Maguire:

"Anybody could win it, apart from my old mates at Sheffield United, who would have trouble beating an egg!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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