Four-year-old Joshua Atkinson from Mithering on the Trent has been told off for swearing at school and in front of his parents, so he has decided that he will swear for his grandparents this weekend instead. "So, I said '****' at school, and Ms. H…
William Gaviscon, a 33-year-old from Mithering-on-the-Trent and a former contestant on The Apprentice in 2017 (he came 11th, you won't remember him), has claimed that as a businessman and influencer, he still has much to give to the world and would l…
Office staff at The Den in Mithering on the Trent are being forced to listen to Enya because it is St Patrick's Day. The Den, known as a leading Arts club for the youth is actually run by three people in their fifties who have not had their finger…
Gary O'Johnson, a man from Chutney on the Fritz is once again claiming Irish heritage on St Patrick's Day, even though he is only a fan of Thin Lizzy, and remembers a pleasant dream about the Corrs. 'Yes' said Gary 'I added that O into my name to…
Amateur scientist Angela Colvin has found a way around London’s financially crippling ULEZ scheme after designing a car which does not require fuel to run, instead being propelled by the same energy source that is causing the scheme to constantly exp…
Singer, rapper and co-creator of the Burnham on Sea Sound, Max Ostentation is said to want to make a comeback. The singer, now 64 has worked on a number of albums over the past few years, which blend the sonic adventure of Kraftwerk, the knowing l…
Miserable man about town Brian Asshat has posted on his blog that he doesn't really see what the fuss is about with the ending of Endeavour as he has never watched Inspector Morse. 'I know that is has given many millions a lot of pleasure over the…
Old man Walter McKinley was today complaining about how the school down his road had been closed after a measly two inches of snow had fallen. The 87-year-old, who has lived in Mithering on the Trent for the past 59 years, and is seen as a local c…
Recently formed avant-garde jazz band, Hugh Grant's Cumberbund have announced that their first performance will happen at Mithering on the Trent's The Wet Sprocket Pub on May 24th. The pub's landlady, Tracey Brassingthwaite said 'I heard the band'…
Back in the day, Harry Brassingthwaite was a fan of Craig David, but at the age of 53 knows that none of his weeks will ever be like the one that Craig David sang about. 'Yes, it seems a bit sad' said Harry who spent most of his Friday night regro…
You can’t even order a morning cup of coffee delivered from Peet’s without a password. The password is the missing link between a horrible morning and a, “Thank you, God!” kind of day. And what was that password? Concentrating on a password be…
An ornery can of tomato sauce has been granted a restraining order against a sadistic can opener who is constantly offing the heads of all of the can’s family and relatives. The 15 ounce can of tomato sauce, Larry Veryred has been living in fear…
Although it is thirty years since he went to school, local bod Gavin Williamson is disappointed that he returned from France without using any of the phrases he knew when he was a teenager. 'Of course, I went thinking I could parlay la francais wi…
Popular beat combo, S Club 7, famed, for a while in the late 1990s and early 2000s was shocked to realise that their audience is also old. The group which featured Rachel Stevens, and six other people who did a combination of singing, dancing and…
Ezra Dankworth, 52, a travelling salesman from Todmorden in Derbyshire, England, travelled 120 miles across the Pennines chasing what he thought to be a Chinese spy balloon, but to his disappointment, it turned out to be a bird shit stain on his wind…
Loving couple with a comedy/sadistic streak Gary and Lorraine Johnson bought each other a pair of tickets to see the recently reformed S Club 7 reunion tour, only to realise that at the age of 51 and 49, they are probably too old for that type of thi…
Although it is expected, Brian Asshat did not receive any valentine's cards this year. Although the bachelor always keeps the postman busy and sends up to 25 of them a year, he is yet to receive one. 'It is a bit weird' said Tracy Brassingthwai…
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