Economic Crisis: Latest
Sources reveal that during the current global economic crisis BT is planning to outsource jobs to Britain.
Uncle Aspartame Moving New New location
Gaza Strip, and he's bringing truckloads of aspartame for the hungry.
Middle East Defection
Israeli troops enter Gaza strip club
Deoderant sales kind of slow
Due to the superbness of BO.
Australian Motoring series to be launched on TV
An Austalian TV company, 'Strewth TV' is to launch a new motoring programme called 'BOTTOM GEAR'.
Immigrant TV tomorrow
'It ain't half cold mum!'. Comedy. 7:30pm
Why use one word when four will do?
Watercliffe Meadow in Sheffield is to be called a place for learning instead of a primary school. This is so printers will be paid extra for using more ink!
The Stig wants to play in Hamlet!
It is rumoured that 'The Stig', BBC Top Gear's pet racing driver wants to do classical acting and would love the part of Yorrick. To maintain his anonymity, he would have to keep his helmet on.
Next Doctor Who?
The BBC are on a roll! Matt Smith is the yougest ever Doctor Who at 26 years-old. But looking ahead to 2020, his replacement is likey to be a fetus. A BBC spokesman said: "Time travel aint easy!"
Jack Elf Dead
Jack Elf the actor and a retired Keebler commercial star has bought the Pepperidge Farm at the age 0f 72. Mr. Elf's body will be set adrift inside an old tree stump in a river after being set on fire.
Russia Up To Someting
Apperently Russia is testing some new long range missiles according to Sarah Palin. "I can see them running around over there like ants and every once in awhile this missile goes up with a big cheer!"
Blagosnitch revenues up
People are lining up to pay Blagosnitch not to appoint them to anything. Coffers are overflowing.
Pope's Official Apology
Pope Benedict XVI, who officially apologized for the years of sexual abuse of choir boys and others by priests yesterday, also apologized for boner during apology.
New Mississippi Law
Mississippi has become the first state to ban obese people from their restaurants unless they pay extra for their second seat at the table.
Nader Answers Critics
Ralph Nader has already answered his harshest critics that, "Yes I Will!" walk once again in the 2012 presidential race.
It's Funky Man
In Trenton, New Jersey, a man who accidentally fell into a sewage treatment plant late last week has suddenly became America's funkiest new superhero.
Elvis Spotted Again
Several witnesses say they saw Elvis Presley yesterday as a New Madrid earth tremor struck Memphis. "He appeared to be 'All Shook Up' stated one eyewitness.
Super Bowl Time
A new poll reveals that a full 30% of all people attending a Super Bowl Big Screen Television Party cannot tell you who won the next day.
Big Three Make Pilgrimage
The CEO's of all three of America's big automobile companies and their families make their annual pilgrimage to Carhenge.
Petraeus Informs Democrats
General Petraeus in Iraq tells new Democrat leaders, "I'm my own man. I've been given a free hand out here in Iraq and Afghanistan so that this conflict does not lead to a nucklar war."
Police Donate Items For Poor
Police donate confiscated items such as bikes, basketballs, baseballs, clothing, marijuana, cocaine, meth labs to the Salvation Army.
"I saw Mummy blowin' Santa Claus"
6 year-old Kristy McGammer set a first for her local Neighbourhood watch on Xmas Eve when she reported her Mother for adultery after seeing her giving Santa midnight fellatio on the stairs.
Total Fitness Power Station
A UK gym has installed exercise bikes fitted with dynamos that generate electricity as people work out. One bike pedalled at 15mph can power a vibrating egg for orgasm after orgasm.
Stay fat : stay well
Doctors say avoid New Year resolution diets or the immune system might be compromised and leave you prone to contracting the latest bout of evil flu' that's doing the rounds.
A man held up his own bank but had much cash to fit in his bag so deposited the excess banknotes in his savings account. Police traced him through the deposit slip details.
A horse that plunged into an abandoned well in a field in Yorkshire has been rescued and returned home. A vet' told the press the animal was now in a 'stable' condition.
House prices at 2004 level
UK building societies announce house prices have now dropped to the 2004 level, which as any fool will remember, were still too expensive for the average family to afford to buy.
Doctors tell people to follow the 5 a day plan for a healthy diet but 60% of the UK thinks it means 5 portions of beans on toast while the other 40% went for 3 pints of lager and 2 bags of crisps.
Sarkozy's Diplomatic Mission to the Middle East
Sarkozy has asked Hamas to stop its missile attack into Israel and Hamas has responded by treating Jews in France with deodorant missiles
written by disciple, 03 January 2009