The Venezuelan No-Food Diet Works
Juan Rios a student at Caracas College has marked his 90th day of being on a hunger strike in protest of Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez. Juan's weight has gone from 195 pounds down to 7 pounds.
"Head 'em Up, Move 'em Out"
One of the worst droughts in Texas history is killing off a tremendous amount of cattle. One agriculture expert said that the cows are so weak you couldn't pay 'em to stampede.
National Overweight Day
Today is National Overweight Day...so why not take a fat friend out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
The Chinese Humpless Camels
Chinese agriculture authorities are amazed at the increase in the number of camels in China. One expert attributed it to the fact that hunters are only removing the camel humps.
No Money, Just Drugs
The Pfizer Drug Company announces it will lay-off one-third of it's employees. A company spokesperson said that in lieu of severance pay, each employee will receive a month's supply of Lipitor.
Amish Receive Approval
According to "Buggy & Driver Magazine", the leader of a national Amish/Minnonite Group has officially approved the wearing of black and white tattoos.
Carolina Family Returns Money
In Charleston, South Carolina yesterday, the owners of a stolen Honda Spit returned insurance money after that strong north wind blew a pile of leaves off of it.
It's The Genie Again
Genie found in lava lamp offers finder his choice of three wishes. Finder's wish number one: Could finally break the habit of drug-induced genie visions.
In Denmark, the body of the cartoonist who draws Mohammed & Hobbs found in several locations around Copenhagan.
Flagpole Nerds All Over Indianapolis
A teen gang has been arrested in Indianapolis, Indiana for wedging nerds out in the polar air and sticking their tongues to flagpoles and parking meters.
Circuit City Blown
Bankrupt Circuit City Stores Incorporated said today that it will officially "Pull the plug" on it's last store sometimes in May.
Army Enlists The Fat
The U.S. army has raised it's weight limits so that heavy people can now join its forces. However, they will be warned that they will be a bigger target, so it's up to them if they want to stay fat.
Obama's New Nominees
Barack Obama has nominated Tim Geithner for Secretary of the Treasury although Geithner didn't pay the taxes he had owed for three years. Next up, Obama nominates Amy Winehouse as Surgeon General.
Accidentally Went Off!
Two airport security guards in New York City have been rushed to the hospital after a strip search revealed that an extremely fat man was trying to conceal explosive diarrhea.
New Osama Video
A new video has been released by Osama bin Laden in which he appears to be dressed like that of the Lone Ranger. (Who was that mosque man?)
Oprah Tramples Chicago Couple
Choice of five different makes of sweet potato pie at Chicago restaurant drives Oprah screaming out the door, trampling two.
Eunoch Sang Closer
Geraldo: Voice of five-year-old Chinese girl who supposedly sang in the Olympics closing ceremony last summer faked also. It has now been traced to that of a 55-year-old eunuch.
All- Fired Mad & Upset
The Pullman-Drake Supply Company in Augusta, Georgia was burned to the ground yesterday by a recently fired employee.
Tribe of Little-Heads
A whole village of "Little-Headed People has been discovered in the Congo. Archaeologists say each member of the tribe traces his ancestors back to the same hotfooted witch doctor.
Police in Rochester, New York say that recently arrested "Eunice The Eunocher" apparently lured innocent nerds over the internet.
In Paris, France the three leading five star restaurants will
will be holding a slugfest this weekend for the nation's best restaurant.
KaKa enters Seminary
Milan soccer ace KaKa has announced he is to becone a Catholic preist. "I have even bought my own cathedral" he has told reporters.
written by Jools M , 16 January 2009
New York Plane Crash
New York City police have arrested Mike Score, lead singer of A Flock of Seagulls, on terrorism charges, after they heard he had brought down an Airbus in New York City. He claims mistaken identity.
written by IainB, 16 January 2009
Fight Breaks Out in Harry Ramsdens
A fight broke out today in Harry Ramsden's famous chip shop in Skipton, Yorkshire, today. Police said 3 fish were battered.
written by IN SEINE, 16 January 2009