Baby girl born on US-bound flight
A new ruling by the Supremes divides the baby girl born on the US bound flight, since her head was born over Canada and the rest of the body over the US. A special house will be built on the border.
Russia Reassures Europe over Gas
They promised to stop eating beans and cabbage.
Cuba Marks 50 Years of Revoltution
The Castro Brothers broke out some cigars soaked in Rum and Diet Croke for a year, then dried in the Cuban sun for a week. After smoking the cigars, they plan to become capitalists.
Bush Accomplishment #33
After the third speech writer for President George W. Bush attempted suicide by slashing his wrists, the Supreme Court has benched Bush for the rest of his presidency.
After PETA demanded that the training of drug-sniffing dogs stop immediately, a new dog translating device says the dogs insist that "Everything's fine, we're OK, we're cool with this."
Cheney On "Live"
Dick Cheney will appear on Saturday Night Live in February. Cheney does a really good Eisenhower and Truman Capote, plus there will also be the added drama of a possible live on-the-hour heart attack.
New Jimmy Buffet Release
According to his press agent, Jimmy Buffet will be releasing his new album, "It's Election Day Somewhere" this coming March.
Some Good Economic News
News from the nation's Salvation Army stores, Salvage Sales and Missions say that holiday shoppers and their spending were up nearly 50% this year.
Obama Juggling Answers
President-elect Barack Obama has announced that he will spend his next press conference answering questions while juggling bowling pins and riding a unicycle.
The Mideasts Iran Man
Reporters following Iran's Leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, now say that after going to a movie recently, he's began calling himself, Iran Man.
Found His Stash
In Ireland, three elderly men died of alcohol poisoning at a wake held for their friend, an old pal who had died last week from alcohol poisoning. Police say they apparently found his hidden stash.
My uncle was so annoyed about getting thrown out of the public baths yesterday. It was only when he got home he realised the 'S' had fallen off his swimming trunks.
J-Lo is so cool making her name up from the first letter in her first name and the first two in her second. I wonder why Pete Doherty doesn't do the same?
Paris "France" Hilton (The Original)
Queen Elizabeth has banned Prince William from associating with Paris Hilton. Hilton told a close friend, "That's okay, she has a ship named after her. But I have a whole city named after me."
Abstinence As An Alternate Alternative
Europe's leading contraceptive expert, Dr. Hans Onlapp will soon be publishing a report that states that women who practice total abstinence have about a 98% chance of not getting pregnant.
No Tip For The Waitress?
A woman was arrested at a Chicago restaurant for trying to pay her bill with a reality check.
A computer repairman has been arrested in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, for reportedly having unprotected Cybersex. Authorities are awaiting DNA results as well as space bar and shift key results.
Sexual Studies On The IUD
The Kinsey Institute for Sexuality reports 60% of women between the ages of 18 to 24 have never heard of IUD. 30% know what it is. And 10% said it stood for Illinois University at Decatur.
Excedrin Headache #14B
A two year study conducted at California's Left Coast College has shown conclusively that most peoples' headaches are all just in their heads.
Gaza Gangster Conundrum.
The Palestinians are reportedly in dire straights as no food or medical aid is reaching them, but they seem to maintain an inexhaustible supply of rockets and mortar rounds to fire off into Israel?
Strictly Come Boxing
The New Year's Robin Reid vs Jesse Brinkley fight followed the seasonal theme of Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Men and will go down in kiss and make-up history as Strictly Come Boxing.
Public idiot No.1
Chicago police have arrested a man who robbed a bank using a threatening note written on the back of his own pay cheque which contained his name and address.
Peace not pieces
Palestinians in Gaza petition the UN to force Israel to halt its saturation bombing campaign of their territory and leave Gaza in peace, not pieces.
Two minutes silence
Millions across the UK will observe a two minute silence at 11:00 am on New Year's Day to mark the sad passing of every growing child's favourite shoplifting outlet : Woolworths
Michelin rating downgraded
The derelict Lee Bay Hotel in Ilfracombe, Devon was badly damaged by fire last night and will now be downgraded to three star status.
Missing: who me?
A ten-year-old Watford girl reported as missing after she ran away from home after a row with her parents on Saturday, told police she knew where she was all the time.
Department of the Bloody Obvious Strikes Again:
A man in his late teens who fell 20 metres from a roof in the West Midlands was tended to by paramedics then taken to Russells Hall Hospital, and is believed to have sustained injuries.
Sex Strike by Naples Women
Hundreds of women in Naples pledge to withhold sex from their men unless they stay away from illegal fireworks at new year. "It is our turn to start the year with a big bang!" they said (in Italian).
written by IN SEINE, 01 January 2009
Did anyone see Lydon in the audience of "Loose Women" this week. He seemed engrossed when David Dickenson came on the show . Does he now spend all of his time watching 3rd rate TV shows ?. The twat.
Johnny not so Rotten
I'm sure I spotted Lydon in the "Question Time" audience on Thursday. He didn't say anything though, just sat there eating what looked like a Hot Cross bun. Steve.J, Camden Town, London
Madoff Snags Obama Post
Madoff will replace Paulson, as soon as he spends his 700 Billion. "We need a really good 'financial hit man' and Madoff has demonstrated the skills we need most", Obama told TheSpoof.com.
Establishment News Sites Are Quoting TheSpoof.com
Fed up with lying, cheating, and stealing by establishment leaders, news hounds are pouring over TheSpoof.com archives to attempt to reconstruct history and update the public on current events.
Israeli Troops Celebrate Mass Near Gaza Border
Gaza Gawks as Israeli Troops celebrate Mass. Egypt is celebrating Mass on its Gaza border. Are last rights due all around?
Supermarkets to halve carrier bags
Supermarkets are planning to halve the carrrier bags customers use just as soon as scientists can find
a way to keep the Shopping from fallig out.
written by IN SEINE, 01 January 2009
Sarah Palin Defends Education of Daughter's Fiance
Gov. Sarah Palin argued vehemently that her Daughter's fiance had completed his education. "He did both grades, just like I did, also too", Gov Palin announced.
Dude my Zude Stopped Playing the Tude - Its so Rude
Maniacal Softhead reports its Zude stopped playing, dude. It's rude when you can't hear the tude cause yo manna got no scude an she can't write no cude for da puter boob!
New year brings disaster
A man arrived home after celebrating New Year to find his family had all changed from simple god fearing country folk into lick-spittling adorers of heavy metal music, especially Guns n Roses.Oh dear!
written by whatinthe world, 01 January 2009
Hollywood A-List Claim They All Lost Their Ass Investing With Madoff!
Lack of liquidity in Hollywood has brought the drug trade to a screeching halt forcing chic rehab centers to close, and rich drug dealers driving Escalades back to washing them for a living!
Merrill Lynch Exec Who got $25M for 3 months Work, Now Claims Disability!
The former CEO says he was so guilty about the payoff, he couldn't sleep at night. It forced him to buy $36M NYC penthouse, and now he can't pay condo fees or taxes.. he's too depressed to find job!
Study Finds Nervous Leg Syndrome in Women Leads to Heightened Sexual Desire!
Tipper Gore said she was relieved to hear about the study; thought she had left Al's Solar Powered Dildo out too long in the sun causing a dangerous power overload leading to massive thigh quakes!
Blago Appoints 6 Minorities to Fill Obama Seat...Claims He Has Bigger Balls Than Harry Reid!
Prospective Candidates took a number: a Black, a Kennedy, a Muslim, a white Methodist Preacher, and a Rabbi....dares Senate leader to challenge them all. Sez Obama about Blago:The Boy's Got Big 'ens.
UAW Refuses to give Up $33m Golf Course Tanking $5M Year!
UAW Prez Ron Middlefinger(sic) sez "We'll hold on till we get a bailout, I don't care how many of YOUR balls it costs (a candid reference to Banking Chairman Barney Frank's plea for compromise)
She's A Little Bit Pregnant
A research study conducted in Canada has shown that nearly 93% of all unplanned pregnancies were unplanned.
The Oral Sex Report
A sex study conducted by the reputable sex study group Misters and Mistresses has concluded that oral sex is not really sex. Bill Clinton reportedly remarked, "You see there. I told y'all didn't I."
An Orgasmic Follow Up Sequel
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright's sequel to her best-seller 'Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide To Your Orgasmic Hot Spots,' is entitled, 'Touch Me There Some More - And Don't You Dare Stop Until I Say Stop!