Batman To Battle The Evil Three
According to Hollywood Gossip the next Batman movie will pit the Caped Crusader against The Evil Three of Bernie Madoff, Geraldo Rivera and Rod Blagojevich."
Another Lost Tribe
Yet another lost tribe in the Amazon has proved a fake. Apparently, according to their leader, they're all extras in the filming of the next Indiana Jones movie.
Remember, you can get the full report on today's NBC's Report on internet addiction directly online.
Small Wall Street Rally
There was a small rally on Wall Street today on hearing the report that bread lines are now 20% shorter than the ones last week.
Dubai's Rotating Skyscraper
The new rotating skyscraper in Dubai apparently screwed itself right into the ground overnight, striking oil!
They'll All Remember It
The man who jumped off the Chrysler Building in New York City yesterday morning is said to have created a very good impression.
Julian Lloyd-Webber has Cello Scrotum
Well known Cellist Julian Lloyd-Webber, brother of composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, is suffering from 'Cello Scrotum' and has to wear a G-string to alleviate its painful symptoms.
Ramsay says Bullshit to Cow Claims
Newcastle University researchers claim that gallons more milk can be produced by happy cows. However, chef, Gordon Ramsey said; "This is utter Bullocks!"
Milky way for cows
Gallons more milk can be produced by happy cows, according to researchers at Newcastle University. However, farmers in Devon say; "Pull the udder one!"
New Committee, Secretary
Barack Obama has officially banned any form of torture in the United States. He is now forming a committee to oversee the "No Torture In The United States" ban and a new Sec. of No Torture In the U.S.
Happy cows produce more milk.
Happy cows produce more milk, according to researchers at Newcastle University. Many herds of cattle in Yorkhire are now known as 'The Laughing Stock of the Community'.
Downing Street Appoints New Spokesman
The new spokesman for the PM is to be Muhammad Saeed Al-Sahhaf, former Iraqi Information Minister. Sources said he would 'bring clarity' to Gordon Brown's statements, especially on the economy.
ITV Suspends Filming on 'Heartbeat'
Filming has been suspended on further episodes of Heartbeat, after ITV executives finally realised the show no longer had a pulse. 'Star' Joe McFadden is to be humanely destroyed, say producers.
Netherlands & Iceland in Diplomatic Tussle
Netherlands in diplomatic incident with Iceland over the appointment of a new Lesbian Icelandic PM - the Dutch claim that only they have rights to important dykes.
Obama To Free Prisoners
President Barack Obama says he is ready to release almost ten percent of the U.S. prison population and has ordered mattress companies to quit placing tags on their product, but on the product cover.
Vote for Goat!
Vindicated goat, Mbillia Capra Aegagrus Hircus, has declaired himself a candidate in the next Nigerian Presidential Election, representing the Nigerian 419 Scam Party.
written by Exislanda, 28 January 2009
Local Hero Ditches Bus
Local "hero" who ditched his tourist bus into a pond after passing out drunk nearly beaten to death by irate passengers. Claims he would have hit another vehicle or tree if not taken swift action.
Illinois Guv Disappointed
Illinois Governor Blagojevich appeared on ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday morning after receiving no offers from anyone to take his seat there opposite Diane Sawyer.
Hint Not Well Received
A report from Car & Driver says that a playful little tap on the horn to let the person in front know that the light has turned to green is seldom appreciated.
Free Natural Gas Neglected
The Exxon/Mobile company says that the United States is wasting fossil fuel by neglecting old folks homes, especially when it comes to natural gas. Right now they have people checking it out.
ACLU Will Defend
A spokesperson for the ACLU announced yesterday that they will defend the rights of the Gitmo prisoners to blow up the ACLU building.
He's Really President
President Obama says it's just now hitting him that he really is the president of the United States and that it's all real, including his mother-in-law's daily cheek pinching!
Half ton cat lady vanishes after odor brings cops
A 1000 pound woman who has some 1600 cats, was found to be missing from her house, through whose door she could not fit. The cats all seemed well fed.
written by Aspartame Boy, 28 January 2009
3,000 Whitehall posts to go
It has been announced that 3,000 Government posts are to be axed. The posts, which line the pavements of Whitehall, were installed in the 1980's, are no longer needed now the 'Irish Problem' has gone.
Spring "must-have" cosmetics
Vole urine is the new anti-wrinkle "wonder ingredient" proclaims the cosmetics industry - expect to see it everywhere this spring. Also hot is "pressed rat and warthog cream", from Clapton and Baker.
Bank execs hit hard in downturn
Bankers have been hit hard by the economic downturn - sales of the top-of-the-range Maybach '62' motor car (£346,000) are down 6%.However, sales of the '57' (at a bonus-swallowing £300,00) are up 15%.