BBC management set for pay freeze
BBC director general Mark Thompson has told Senior BBC management they will not receive any pay rises or bonuses until 2010, as part of a drive to save money. "We've got to still pay Jonathon Ross."
Driving dog causes fatality
Jack, the world's first dog licensed to drive an automobile, has had an accident this afternoon, Windrush Gulch New Mexico Police Department has confirmed. A cat has been killed, Jack was unharmed.
"Pointlessness" of life discovered
A dual British-American team from the Universities of Oxford and Havard have completed a fifteen-year study and concluded that all human life is basically pointless.
Scots saver causes copper shortage
A Scottish man, Wee Davie Mactavish of Partick, has hoarded so many copper coins in the last 40 years that he has caused a world shortage of copper. He is refusing to part with the 3-ton load.
Obama May Auction Cigars
President Obama offers to auction cigars found in the oval office on eBay to help raise funds for his stimulus package.
"Just smelling one can stimulate you", stated the President.
"Just Trying To Thin Out Birds For Airport"
Old guy in New York City's Central Park ordered to tear down duck blind, turn over shotgun and get decoys out of the lake.
GW Threatens Nightlife
Al Gore: The melting ice caused by global warming will not only cause the seas to rise on the coasts, but will also threaten the nation's cocktail nightlife!
The Crookmobile Books Two
A new law passed in Kentucky says that there must be at least two guards watching the convicts while they're cleaning up highways after arriving in the Crookmobile.
Bush Better Uniter
A new survey concludes that George W. Bush was much better than Obama at uniting the people of the United States. Some 75% agreed that he was nutty as a fruitcake.
Local hero in Chesney, Alabama raises twenty-five dollars for charity by walking across the entire county of Humdinger.
Zanne much cuter than Zanessa
Zac and Anne were kissing last night when they were seen by fans near a music store in New York, so obviously they are together.
written by AJ beautiful, 27 January 2009
Alcohol-related deaths 'falling'
Prof. Al Avanother at the Frog & Fountain pub in Shrewsbury said today; "The reason Alcohol-related deaths are falling are in direct proportion to the rise in cost of a pint of beer. Hic!"
New Species Discovered
A new marsupial has been found jumping around the Texan oilfields. They appear to be similar to the Australian Wallaby but suffer from jaundice. Scientists call them 'The Yellow Roos of Texas'.
Chiropractors Warn About Curled Up Spines
A ten-year study by the nation's chiropractors concludes that the number one culprit for those with curled-up spines is the presence of good books.
NASA sent out a warning this morning that the recent sun spots could jeopardize over one million games of Spider Solitaire.
Super Computer Beats Superman
A super computer that beat Superman at chess yesterday was found this morning melted to one big glob of plastic.
Bin Laden Now 12-Foot Tall
A twelve-foot tall Osama bin Laden has been spotted by several locals who live near a cave in Yucca Mountain.
Saudi News Shakes Wall Street
An Oil Sheik from Saudi Arabia announced this morning that his country is raising the import of money by ten percent.
According to the coroner in Santa Claus, Indiana a man found dead outside a Kwik-Stop passed away about 25 minutes into gassing up his hummer.
DR Congo gorilla numbers up 12.5%
DR Congo's population of mountain gorillas rises by 12.5% in almost 18 months, a census shows. However, mounting Guerillas have boosted the strength of rebel forces in DR Congo by 9% in just 5 months.
Oprah was under consideration to be next Senator from Illinois
Embattled Gov. Blagojevich considered Oprah for President Obama's Senate seat until he discovered it wasn't wide enough.
written by PP Rega, 27 January 2009
Red Dwarf goes Green!
Amidst worries of pollution, the digital channel, 'Dave' has commissioned a two-part episode of the cult comedy. Set on earth it promises to be a 'breath of fresh air' with a wonderful atmosphere.
The Buffalo Bill's Choice
For their first-round choice in the upcoming National Football League draft of college players, the Buffalo Bills say they will pick a one-legged field goal kicker from the American Online College.
David Blaine's Most-Dangerous Feat Yet
David Blaine, on this morning's "Good Morning America", announced his plans to attempt to roller skate in a buffalo herd in April, to be seen exclusively on ABC.
Attack On Nudist Colony
Seven juveniles were sentenced yesterday to six weeks of community service this summer after New Year's Eve roman candle attack on Florida nudist colony.
Icelandic Minister of Finance Quits
"The job is not as much fun since we stopped loaning money to anyone who could fill out the forms. And now the banks have collapsed, people act like I should have seen it coming. I quit."
written by Illusnist, 27 January 2009
Magician To Suddenly Appear
A local magician in Fargo, North Dakota has been summoned to suddenly appear in court on March 8th, 2009 for jury duty.
Obama Pardons Phil
President Barack Obama pre-pardons Punxsutawney Phil should he predict six more weeks of winter weather next month.
Gitmo Guards Puzzled
Guards at Guantanamo Bay say that a suspected terrorist from Saudi Arabia has apparently managed to drown himself while locked up in his cell.
The Food & Drug Administration says that Jose Salmonella worked on a peanut farm in Georgia this past summer. Don't know present whereabouts.
Stimulus Package One
A New York Times study reveals that 75% of the first stimulus package passed by congress was spent on Spam and Jello.