Long Felt Want discovered
Found last week under the floorboards of an old cottage in Darking - a long felt want, dating from Shakespeare's time! Only about two feet of it are still recognisable, the owner has said.
written by NODDY, 25 January 2009
50-Carat Diamond Removed
Doctors in Louisville, Kentucky have removed a 50-carat diamond from the kidney of a 75-year-old retired coal miner.
14 States Gambling On Revenue
One sure sign that America's economy is worsening is the fact that 14 states are trying to introduce gambling to raise money. "The chips are down & no one wants increased taxes", stated one Governor.
Prince Harry Breaks It Off
A London tabloid, "The Stiff Upper Lip", is reporting that Prince Harry and his longtime girlfriend have broken up, but that they both must carry on, hold their heads high and do the best they can.
Miss Indiana Wins 88-Year-Old Miss America Contest
Katie Stam of Indiana was crowned Miss America Saturday night, fighting off a throat infection and 51 other contestants to win the 88-year-old pageant. Several of the old gals were in wheel chairs.
Seattle Ignores Lucy
The citizens of Seattle are not interested in "Lucy", the oldest remains of man's ancestors, according to an exhibit spokesman there. "We may have just as well brought them the remains of Fred Mertz."
AFLAC Duck Missing
A visual inspection of the dented left engine of the US Airways jet that ditched in the Hudson River found little evidence of organic matter. However, the AFLAC duck has been missing for two weeks.
RSPB survey catches voyeur
The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has held its annual birdwatch this weekend. A man from Chiswick, in a dirty raincoat reports seeing a 'pecker and a nice pair of tits in his garden.
Crazy's Car Sales Hit Hard
Car dealerships are closing at an all-time record rate according to the Wall Street Journal. Thirteen Crazy Eddies, four Crazy Bobs and seventeen Crazy Joes are actually certifiable after last month.
Obama Consults Bush, Cheney
According to The National Questioner, President Obama has been consulting daily with former president George W. Bush and VP Cheney. They have published the records of all the calls to Bizarro World.
11 Year-old boy murders 6 bulls in Mexico
A notorious 11 year-old Matador and professional liar, claims to have killed 6 bulls in one day. However, police investigators said; "The lad was only bulls-hitting"
Monkey Woods Hospitalised!
Hull City supporter and spoof writer, Monkey Woods, was taken to hospital after being hit be a large feather duster thrown by a Milwall fan. It is not known if this has affected his mind.
Clubs condemn violence at FA Cup
The chairman of Hull City says "mindless" hooligans planned maximum disruption during Saturday's cup tie with Millwall. We have 90% more mindless hooligans than Milwall do, and they're harder - FACT."
Campaign against lap-dancing club
Angry residents in Henley-on-Thames are campaigning to have a lap-dancing club in the town shut down. Equally, immigrants from Lapland are furious and ask "Where else can we dance in public?"
Georgia TV show sparks holy row
A Russian TV show called Top Ten Best Georgians sparks a nationwide row after it includes 18 saints in its shortlist. Britain has a group too, called 'All Saints' althogh there are only 5 of them!
Tearful Bush Confession
A tearful former President Bush announced to the nation and president Barack Obama this morning that he had actually lost the United States to an oil sheik in a game of Texas Hold 'Em, six months ago.
Nader's Solution Questioned
Ralph Nader reports that piping in cold air from Alaska could save southern California a hundred million dollars in lower energy costs, discounting the cost of pipeline.
Masonic Symbol Revealed
Secret Freemason symbol for "I just hit me blasted thumb with this stupid hammer!" suddenly revealed for everyone to hear.
Gore Blames Celebrity Meltdowns
Al Gore claims that all the recent celebrity meltdowns have added considerably to the global warming crisis.
Tyson Selling Holyfield
Iron Mike Tyson has been arrested once again, this time for attempting to sell a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear on eBay.
All Eyes On Newt
The country's conservatives, witches disappointed after receiving news that NEWT Gingrich will not run for president in 2012.
Free-range hot wings voted as best college snack food in Oregon, Minnesota and California.
Plasma Bank Sales, Stutent Tuitions Up
A study shows a new that both college tuition costs, number of plasma banks purchases increasing by nearly 25 percent.
Wall Street Crisis affecting way children play.
The recent Wall Street is starting to affect the way children play. Now the dumbest kid has to be the banker in Monopoly
written by Entertainment24/7, 25 January 2009
Banks to be Run by WalMart
In an attempt to get them to run more efficiently, several failing US banks were turned over to WalMart Corporation when the US Treasury deeded its interest in them to the Arkansas retailer
written by Ms. Writer, 25 January 2009
Rabid Dogs May Be Set Free
ACLU sues Chicago IL Animal Control Board to allow rabid dogs to run free. The suit contends that if GITMO detainees can be set free into the community, there is precedent to let rabid dogs loose.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 January 2009