Avian Coprolite Study
Scientists in New Zealand have been studing the fossilized faeces of the now extinct Giant Moa. They have found them to be hard and could kill someone. However, the good news is they don't smell!
Mandel Doing Fine
Howie Mandel, who was hospitalized for a heart flutter, is reported as doing fine and left the hospital yesterday after making a deal with his doctor.
Two Reporters Fired
Two employees,a newsman and a cameraman, at a Phoenix, Arizona newspaper were fired yesterday for refusing to cover a nude protest at a local nursing home.
"SOS, Broomstick To Tower"
Police in a small New England town say that the woman found hoisted on her own broomstick after an emergency call to a nearby airport was thought to be a witch.
Life On Mars?
NASA reveals that recent analysis of soil samples from Mars indicate that the red planet once had pigeons.
Cheney, Palin Coughs Up
Vice President Cheney and VP candidate Sarah Palin apparently paid a Wisconsin dairy farmer $2000 each after a recent hunting trip turned him into a beef farmer.
Weiner Dog Explained
Rumor: It turns out that that weird elongated weiner character everyone was trying to figure out in the Macy's Parade was probably a highly decorated giant condom placed by there by NYU students.
The major differences between the George Bush and Bill Clinton's overseas speeches? One gets panties thrown at him, the other gets shoes.
Sporting Same Breasts
One commentator on the Golden Globes Monday night stated that you could tell the nation was in a depression by the fact that a number of actresses were sporting the same breasts they wore last year.
Two Leading Job Prospects
A Harris Poll released yesterday afternoon indicated that the
health field and working at the nation's unemployment offices were the two leading fields for securing a job in the next five years.
Sooty to be banned!
Sooty, the children's favourite puppet has now been banned thanks to Prince Charles' 'racist' remarks. Sweep and Sue are not happy and are going to protest in front of Clarence House.
Boris Johnson, Shark Repellant?
Following 3 shark attacks in Australia in less than 24 hours, has left scientists puzzled. Meanwhile, London's Mayor, Boris Johnson, has been swimming in Sydney Harbour and NO sharks have attaked him.
Length of finger clue to earnings
The length of a man's fingers may predict his success in the City, research findings suggest. However, E.T. earned far more,but then again he's not a man!
The $3.7 Million Dollar "Working" Girl
A 22-year-old California student is auctioning off her virginity to pay for a master's degree. The top bid so far is $3.7 million. The student reportedly said, "Great, now I'm working on my Ph.D."
The President Can Do Whatever He Feels Like Doin'
President Bush has advised President-Elect Barack Obama to "Do what you think is right...and if the people don't think that it's right, that's just too bad cause you are the president."
Le French Carmaker Yes
France's largest automaker, Peugeot Citroen reports a 4.9 percent drop in sales. Hmmmm. Maybe it's because no one has ever heard of Peugeot Citroen.
Sweden's Sweet Solution
Sweden reports that inflation fell sharply in December. The National Swedish Agency says, "No problem. We'll just double our smorgasbords."
President George W. Bush The Invader
President Bush will give his farewell address to the nation Thursday night. An insider says that he will say that he sure wishes that he could have invaded at least four or five more countries.
BD/SM Sales Boom
Retailer Land of Leather, facing slumping sales from its crap furniture products, has announced it will now concentrate on the highly lucrative BD/SM fetish wear and bondage accessories market.
Google ur Carbon Footprint
Two Google searches on a PC produce 14g of CO2, the equivalent of boiling an electric kettle. Solution: Drive down to the library and search through an acre of rainforest pulped into textbook pages?
Two Jags beats WHAT ?
Labour fat cat John Prescott was photographed today coming out of a Kingston-on-Pork High Street hot meat pies shop sporting a gravy-splattered "I've Beaten Anorexia" t-shirt.
A South African appeals court has decided that ANC leader Jacob Zuma is so corrupt and bent that if he dropped down dead he could be buried by winding him into the ground like a corkscrew.
Daz joins Royal racist whingers
Porcine Labour MP Keith Daz says Prince Harry's remarks about a fellow officer were 'unacceptable and wounding' and he was fed up with taunts against people, like himself, with perma-glow suntans.
Three-strong strike cripples mail
A strike picket by three redundancy-threatened Royal Mail employees outside a wooden shed that serves as the post office in the village of Woolavington has disrupted scheduled deliveries nationwide.
Political back-stabbing ?
Gordon Brown says he believes the British public will forgive and forget Prince Harry's latest racist faux pas, much as they forgave Tony Bliar for all his downright lies and public deceptions.
Prince Harry and grandfather Prince Phillip are to publish a encyclopaedic compendium of their joint gaffes and public apologies, titled "Whoops: Me and my Big Mouth."
Robin Leach to Cover Obama Inauguration
Star of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" will be in Washington D.C. for the event, with the scoop on $25,000 a night establishments like Motel 8, Super 6, Holiday, Quality and Worst Western Inns.
Extra Protection for Barack Obama
With politicians that possess integrity having recently been added to the "endangered species" list, President-elect Obama will be afforded the highest level security of any President in U.S. history.
George Bush will start writing his book
He will name the book about his time in the "White House" "Reign of Terror", How I almost destroyed Western Civilization!
written by disciple, 13 January 2009
NASA Considers "Mars Rover Robot War"
As they have been exploring the same desert for 5 years now, NASA ponders having the rovers battle it out on Mars. Ratings would be huge, generating massive amounts of revenue for the strapped agency.
Burris says he's honored to be seated in the Senate
"I just wanted my monies worth that's all"
written by disciple, 13 January 2009
Fish to be called Sea Kittens
Changing the name of fish to Sea Kittens is a great idea as it will increase the number of men who eat fish. What man could resist ordering and eating Stripped Pussy, Rock Pussy or Pussy and Chips?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 January 2009