O'Bama Announces Withdrawal and end to "reign of terror"
The President Erect withdraw 9 inches from Tax Payers' ass, while maintaining a stranglehold on their butts with remaining 12" of TARP funds controlled by avowed Pork Butt Lover Barney Frank.
written by unknown
Inauguration musicians reckon Obama was faking it
"Sure we were fakin' it," Inauguration Quartet violinist Itzhak Perlman told reporters today, "but hell, so was Obama!"
written by queen mudder, 23 January 2009
Gitmo Turned Into Chrysler Dealership
As one of his first orders of office, President Barack Obama has turned Gitmo into a Chrysler car dealership so that it would close within six months.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Obama Retakes Oath
President Obama was sworn in as president once again as Tuesday's swearing in ceremony got flubbed. Bush got his right both times. Of course, it was broken down into syllables on his shirt cuff.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Hillary's First Day
Yesterday was Hillary Clinton's first day as the new Secretary of State. She hits the road this weekend. Bill reportedly celebrated by streaking through a Maggody, Arkansas trailer court last night.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Uncommitted Leaning Towards Voting Democrat
A new poll released this morning shows that most uncommitted voters intend to vote democrat in the 2010 elections, while those committed probably won't vote at all because of their straight jackets.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Bartender Never Forgets
A local bartender in Wheeling, West Virginia has become locally famous by demonstrating that, in all his years as a bartender, he's never forgotten a single shitface.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Achieves Objective
Local man who had finally achieved his objective to live every day as if it were his last, found bored to death.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Old Fart's Tale
Old Fart at Joe's Bar in Helena, Montana has somehow learned to link whatever the latest local news or tall tale to his one story about the bear outside his tent in 1954.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Latest From Surgeon General
According to CBS News, after a two hour meeting by the nation's leading doctors with the Surgeon General, smoking in bed has come under fire!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Really Blew It!!
A news anchorman in Abilene, Texas has requested that the cameraman be fired after last night's loud fart during the anchor's big homicide/suicide feature.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Just Too Tired, Maybe
President Obama, who always calls in the experts when things go wrong, has been encouraged by Michelle of late to call in Bob Dole.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2009
Gay scientists prefer aspartame
Butt, they pronounce it "ass PART a me", and drink it all the time. Real scientists say "ASS par tame", and don't drink it.
written by Aspartame Boy, 23 January 2009
Newt "Gingrich" to run for Presidency
According to Bud Redneck, his pet newt "Gingrich" is running for President in 2012. "We sure as heck had worse in the last 20 years, so why not?" said Bud, sewing KKK uniforms in his forest shack.
written by NODDY, 23 January 2009
Freemason Conspiracy Revealed
Document discovered in the south of France last month prove that the Freemasons have been unwittingly used for centuries to cover the true purposes of Wiccan priests.
written by Illusnist, 23 January 2009
Rock Houses
It is equally true, but not as often noted, that people who live in rock houses should not throw glass. Statistics show this has happened far more often, and results in serious injury 25% of the time.
written by Illusnist, 23 January 2009
"Depression foods" to make comeback
Foodstuffs from the Great Depression of the 1930's are to make a comeback. Supermarkets are to start selling gruel, dry biscuits, egg powder, milk powder and cheap soups with indeterminate lumps in.
written by NODDY, 23 January 2009
Prince Harry in new "race" row
For the second time in 2 weeks Prince Harry has been plunged into a race row - this time after telling a child that he "never really liked Pac-Man" in answer to a question about computer games.
written by NODDY, 23 January 2009
New Beanie Baby dolls made of entire Obama family
Republicans have already discovered that pushing pins in them while reciting voodoo chants doesn't work.
written by unknown
New first daughters receive letter from Bush twins telling them how to deal with the pressure
They also reveal the secret exits to the White House and where the liquor is hidden.
written by unknown
New reality show sponsored by Michael Irvin to help average man get tryout with Dallas Cowboys
Average man will probably be overqualified and may have to try out for winless Detroit Lions.
written by unknown
Record breaking Tibetian Monk discovered in mountain monestary
He is the only man alive to not see pictures of Britney Spears without her panties.
written by unknown
Obama allowed to keep his blackberry
He must, however, turn in his watermelon.
written by unknown
Sean Penn Upset at Academy Award nominations
He thought that he should have been nominated for best actor and actress for playing the gay San Francisco mayor in Milk.
written by unknown
Newest Academy Award Nominees Announced
The five choices for best picture have grossed $16 dollars between them.
written by unknown
Caroline Kennedy drops bid for New York Senate Seat....
....after she learns that the Governor appointed someone else.
written by unknown
