The Farewell Speech Closing Line Bush Will Not Be Allowed To Use
Two of President Bush's closet aides have advised him against closing his farewell speech with the Arnold Schwarzenegger line from 'The Terminator - Judgement Day' "Hasta la vista, baby."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 January 2009
The Cross Dressing Transvestite Veterinarian
A man who posed as a female veterinarian has been arrested by New Jersey police. Daniel Tyce, 26, aka Dr. Danielle Smith gave 'herself' away when a pet owner saw 'her' grab 'her' crotch and spit.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 January 2009
Mrs. Olson & Juan Valdez
People who drink 7 cups of coffee a day tend to hallucinate more than normal coffee drinkers. Reporters could not reach Mrs. Olson or Juan Valdez at The Home for Hallucinators for their opinion.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 January 2009
2009's Fattest City in America
A Men's Fitness Magazine survey has named Miami as 'The Fattest City in America.' Well that certainly explains why bikini swimsuit sales are down 300% and pizza deliveries are up 700%.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 January 2009
The Soon-To-Be Ex-Mr. Amy Winehouse
Blake Fielder-Civil, husband of Amy Winehouse has filed for a divorce. He sites grounds of irreconcilable hairdo, alienation of tattoos, and ipso facto alemand left.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 January 2009
Best 10 Bush Policies
Last week in Washington, top political analysts were asked to compile a list of George W Bush's top achievements that he would be remembered for; so far the best list yet has only four.
written by Exislanda, 15 January 2009
Meekness declare war on splitters
A spokes person for the Society of Determined Meekness issued a press release today to say that they abhor anything said by Society of Meek Realists and call the break away group a bunch of wimps.
written by whatinthe world, 15 January 2009
Weightwatchers new diet
Weightwatchers have produced a new diet that guarantees weight loss regardless of what is eaten. The Limb-Fast diet requires adherents to lop off a limb whenever they need to lose a few pounds.
written by IainB, 15 January 2009
Obama Mocks Bank Share Dividends
"A bank issuing dividends is like a Ponzi scheme issuing gift certificates."
written by Aspartame Boy, 15 January 2009
Morgan Stinkly Abandoning Plan to Store Oil in Super Tanker
Dr. Oilee Tesla of Morgan says they figured out that a tanker can't hold all the extra oil, so they are just going to store it on the surface of the world's oceans. It can then be harvested anywhere.
written by Aspartame Boy, 15 January 2009
Credit Crunchie
A newsagent in Dartford was arrested yesterday when a customer tried to get a Crunchie on credit citing the Credit Crunch as an excuse. As per his sign, the newsagent punched the customer in the face.
written by IainB, 15 January 2009
Republicans Preparing For Obama
Badly outnumbered Republicans in the House and Senate seen stocking up on adult diapers to carry them through the long filibuster sessions coming in the days ahead.
written by Bureau, 15 January 2009
Ford Has New Ideas
The Ford Automotive Company with "Tomorrows Ideas Today" reports that ALL of their 2009 models this year will have windshields providing solar heat during sunny days.
written by Bureau, 15 January 2009
Reminder From 2-Buck Chuck
The makers of Two-Buck Chuck Wine would like to remind everyone to get drunk responsibly during the coming celebrations in Washington DC and all around the country.
written by Bureau, 15 January 2009
