Chris Matthews: The Unauthorized Biography

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Sunday, 11 August 2013

To show that he believed in "giving back" even before he had anything to give back, MSNBC's Chris Matthews went to Africa as a recent college graduate to serve on the Peace Corps. Then, to avoid work, he got on the public dole immediately upon his return stateside, working as an aide in the U. S. Senate. Because he had a way with words, if not with women, Matthews became a speechwriter, scripting half-truths, misleading statements, and outright lies for the president, which led to his repeating his performance for then-Speaker of the House, Tip O'Neill.

Finding even such an easy gig as this too much like work, Matthews turned to journalism, becoming the Washington bureau chief for The San Franfreako Examiner, reporting on the collapse of the Berlin Wall and the Russian and global economies. Trouble seemed to follow Matthews; wherever he roamed, political intrigue followed. The same has been true with his television program, named after the narcissistic personality himself, as The Chris Matthews Show.

Although he supports Democratic presidential and congressional candidates and actually believes that Barack Obama is doing well and deserves a second term, he claims to love democracy almost as much as he does America.

During his spare time, which amounts to about 14 hours per day and all weekend, every week, he signs contracts for books that his ghost writer actually writes. He, but not his ghost writer, in fact, has half a dozen "bestsellers" to his name, including Hardball: How Well Politics Pays! and America: Beyond My Delusions of Grandeur.

He is married to Kathleen Matthews, who sleeps with the executive vice-president of Marriott International.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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