Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Be Witched was a situation comedy, or sitcom (short for stupid idiots tune in comedies) starring Lizzy Montgummy as Sam Stevens. A bigamist (or, possibly, a polyandryist), Sam was a transvestite witch who, out of stupidity, renounced magic in favor of love. She had two husbands, both named Darren (or, sometimes, Dum Dum, Durwood, Dagwood, or Dingleberry), who, coincidentally, were both employed by the same company, in the same position, as advertising directors. They had the same boss and shared an office with one another.

Sam's mother, Adorable, also a witch, was a frequent unwelcome houseguest who would pop in and out without a moment's notice, stir up trouble between Sam and her two husbands, and vanish, sometimes in a cloud of dust. She disapproved of her daughter's mixed marriage, preferring, instead, the open marriage that she shared with her husband, Maury Povich, and showed her displeasure by using her magic to cause problems for the young couple.

Other of Sam's relatives, also witches, such as the senile and batty Ain't Clarity and Uncle Awful, also dropped in unannounced to create havoc and "comedy." In a daring move, Be Witched dared NOT to have a dog among its family members, settling, instead, for Mrs. Gladys Cabbage, the Stevens' nosy neighbor, who had a sister, also Gladys Cabbage, who took up residence across the street from the Stevens after the former Gladys' death.

The two Darrens worked for Sharon Tate's husband, Leery, who, despite owning an advertising agency, was so stupid that he never realized that Sam was a witch despite the odd, crackpot incidents that happened every week in and out of his office and the Stevens' home. He frequently assigned one Darren or the other to work out an advertising campaign for a demanding client, which would lead to disaster, thanks to Adorable's sabotage through the use of witchcraft, but which would be made right in the end by a twitch of Sam's ass, as few of Tate's clients could resist the charm of her derriere.

In addition to Sam's family members, Darren's parents sometimes visited the Stevens, as did an array of supporting characters from Sam's coven: Wendy the Good Little Bitch, of Harvee Comics, and the Scarlet Bitch, of Marble Comics, being a couple, on and off the set.

Regular and recurring characters included:

* Sam Stevens (Lizzy Montgummy)
* Darren Stevens (Sergeant York)
* Adorable (Acne Blackhead)
* Tabitha Stevens (Aaron and Diane Murphy)
* Adam Stevens (Gregg and Davy Lawrence)
* Gladys Cabbage (The Cabbage Patch Dolls Allie and Sandra Ghoul)
* Leery Tate (David Frost)
* Ain't Clarity - (Marion Foghorn)
* Uncle Awful - (Paula Lynn)
* Maury Povich (Maury Povich)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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