Everyone knows that old people and computers don't mix. The case of the absconded email password illustrates exactly how the curdling takes place, orchestrated by big tech. This is the notorious case of Miss Wiggins, an old maid who lives alone…
Hospitals of Washington State - Dr. Lee G. Bender of Washuck Hospital spoke to reporters after all hospitals in Washington were suddenly filled with programmers that had blown off their legs. “MacroHard called for emergency assistance about 11:00...
Do you remember way back in the foggy mist of Internet time the first and most infamous troll of all, the Paperclip Guy? He would always be lurking around the corner of any Word document you were typing; just waiting for his chance to add his two bits about what you were writing, like a Stasi spy eager for a promotion within the ranks. He considered himself the main protector and overseer of...
Bill Gates has been invited to talk about his fabulous life on Desert Island Discs an ancient BBC 4 radio programme and divulge to the world his favourite top ten songs, and here they are exclusively for you: 1) Money - Pink Floyd (what else?) 2) How much is that doggy in the WINDOW? - (Gates heard this as a nipper and the rest is history) 3) Tainted Love - Soft Cell (not in a gay way he...
Redmond, WA-Microsoft tycoon Bill Gates plans to make everyone connected to his software, his internet providers, his self-driving vehicles "if and when" he is elected President of the United States, Gates announced in launching his 2016 presidential...
Philippines - The remains of a Japanese WWII battleship at the bottom of the Sibuyan Sea have been declared a hoax in a coastguard's report identifying the wreck as a decrepit sardine trawler that went down during a typhoon in 1983. Divers working...
Heisenberg's quantum principles have been used to make the "Decahedral" processor chips in the new "faster than light" computers which will be available for Christmas. Predictably Britain's James Bond and the C.I.A. have ordered one each from Amazio...
New super fast technology based on optical quantum principles has been used to make the Octahedral processor chips in the new faster than light computers which will be available for Xmas. A spokesperson for Microhard told our reporter. "The computer...
Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation was on the defensive today after an independent software research group released its findings that Microsoft's Windows operating systems contain a hidden 'girl detector.' The existence of the girl detector confi...
Recent reports indicate that State Mental Hospitals across the country are treating their worst cases of insanity by forcing patients to use a computer running Windows 8 for prolonged periods of time. "It's true" confirmed a spokesperson for the...
It was a demise that many have seen coming for a long time. It is a tragedy whose full impact will not be noticed for a while to come. All things of great worth that are brought into this world go through a cycle- a difficult and long birth, a formative period where it is ignored, misunderstood and its virtues recognized by few, then an ascendance and acceptance by the more intelligent and for...
BOSTON - A judge in Massachusetts has just issued a landmark directive which states that Microsoft legally has the right to read peoples email. Judge Erastus "The Gavel" Bockerbottle ruled that the corporate giant can read emails in the interest o...
SILICONE VALLEY, CA - Google CEO Eric Schmidt says his company is making "progress" in its campaign to solve the unemployment crisis once and for all time by replacing human beings with robots. "By making people redundant," Schmidt said, "we no lo...
(Silicon Valley, CA) - Microsoft announced their plans to create a new think tank division of the mega-billion dollar company, dubbed Project: iTeam. According to Chet Chitley, Junior iTeam Manager, "From now on whenever somebody says 'there's no...
MSNBC's version of Fox News' typical blonde bombshell reporters, Andrea Mitchell pretends to be the network's chief foreign affairs correspondent, reporting upon the sexual infidelities of foreign heads of state. She also hosts Andrea Mitchell Reports, on which she repeats gossip concerning the adulterous pursuits of U. S. politicians, unless they are members of the Democratic Party. To show th...
To show that he believed in "giving back" even before he had anything to give back, MSNBC's Chris Matthews went to Africa as a recent college graduate to serve on the Peace Corps. Then, to avoid work, he got on the public dole immediately upon his return stateside, working as an aide in the U. S. Senate. Because he had a way with words, if not with women, Matthews became a speechwriter, scripting...
Two or three customers were disappointed this morning after a six-month old Microsoft retail store was unable to open for business. "There was a sign on the locked door that said, '0x74041161 Non-system Error'," said one customer, 24-year-old Ch...
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