Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones dazzles in epic dance-off with Cowboys cheerleaders
The latest rumor to come out of Big D (Dallas) is that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, 80, allegedly engaged in an epic dance-off with two of his team cheerleaders. According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Sausalito Ole, the two brave dancers who dared…
Read full storyJudi Dench to be the face on the new £1 coin
In a groundbreaking move, the Treasury has unveiled the designs for the new £1 coin featuring the iconic face of none other than Dame Judi Dench, the ageless wonder of the silver screen. Renowned for her ability to defy the laws of time and gravit…
Read full storyRupert Murdoch to create all-trans TV channel
Rupert Murdoch, like all millionaires and billionaires, hates losing money. But times are always a-changin'. Rupert got successfully sued – something he thought he'd never see in his ancient lifetime – and it scared him into thinking that even ric…
Read full storyTrans Bible reading in prison by George Santos
Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named George... George Santos is now doing Bible readings in prison, but dressed in full drag cosmetics, flowing robes, and with a helluva lotta flair. George finally got busted for being a FUCKING LIAR…
Read full storyMeteor vs. Pope: How God says he hates you
The Pope, who still denies that evolution created the Earth and not some punk-ass god who calls himself Jehovah or Yahweh or Shecky the Animated Ground Beef, has been struck by a meteor! Oh sure, you might think this is a piece of post-modern scul…
Read full storyChina vows to purchase every Caribbean queen
China wants to own every country in the Caribbean Sea. It doesn't like America parking its destroyers and nuclear subs at South Korea, Japan, or Taiwan... so it's doing a tit for tat. When America comes a-knocking on China's doorstep, China goes a…
Read full storyEl Salvador to become the Switzerland of the Americas
El Salvador has vowed to become the New Switzerland of the Americas in a few years' time, thanks to crypto. The leader of the tiny Central American country has cut taxes for tons of things, especially for anyone who wants to invent stuff and make…
Read full storyHomo Sapiens to become self-impregnating transgender hermaphrodites
Genetic scientists have released surprising results about the future of human beings, and religious people are not happy. Soon, in, say, 1,000 years or so, all Homo sapiens will be hermaphrodites capable of giving birth to their own babies. Transg…
Read full storyMeghan wants her own crown – NOW!
Despite media reports saying she wouldn't attend the coronation, Meghan Markle, or Merkle or MarkieMark, made an unexpected appearance. She stood, biting her tongue, as she gazed at the grandeur, trying to resist the urge to shout to the flying buttr…
Read full storyThe mighty and manly king has a run in his stockings
King Charles had a run in his stocking, but he couldn't find a seamstress – the kind they had in the good old days of the 19th century, possibly a three-year-old covered in soot, smoking cigars, and hacking out a lung or two – so he must do it himsel…
Read full storyA new island rises between Britain and Europe
A new island has mysteriously popped up in the Channel between Britain and France. The island is all stone, rising 500 feet, creating a wall around the interior—a sight reminiscent of Lord of the Rings (which was filmed in New Zealand, so think of th…
Read full storyTransgendered Mary gives birth to a new webbed savior
A man who used to be called Clive, but now identifies as Mary (appropriately), has given birth! Scientists are baffled but Christians are cock-a-hoop. “Another virgin birth for another saviour! Jesus has returned! Does he need nappies? I babysi…
Read full storyThree states have just banned telemarketing calls
Three states have voted to finally ban the notorious menace of telemarketing calls, putting an end to the incessant intrusion. The three states leading the charge are Vermont, Rhode Island, and Alaska, championing the cause against these pesky pho…
Read full storyA gorgeous Ohio State cheerleader has the prettiest beaver in Ohio
Sportsapalooza writer Pia Confetti has just learned that an Ohio State Buckeyes cheerleader has been declared the winner of the "Most Extraordinary Beaver" at the annual Beavercreek Grand Beaver Gala. Beautiful brainbox Alexis Bluffberry, 21, who…
Read full storyRachel Maddow sends MSNBC interns to site of mass shooting to put black face on victims
After the latest mass shooting in somewhere USA, where a deranged Caucasian gunman used an AR-15 to kill a Caucasian family of five, Rachel Maddow was hunkered over her desk at The Rachel Maddow Show, seething with anger, pulling her hair, and scream…
Read full storyTrump still says that he hates Megyn Kelly
The US tax evader (aka DJT) has admitted that he still does not like Megyn "Miss Conceited" Kelly. Trump stated that while he may not be fond of Megyn, there are certainly other people he dislikes even more, such as lawyers who refuse to share the…
Read full storyNCAA March Madness fines Cracker State University $40,000
The NCAA March Madness Rules & Policy Committee has just levied a hefty $40,000 fine on CSU of Valdosta, Georgia. A spokesperson for March Madness told Buckaroo Kazoo, a writer with The Turnstile Review, that the reason for the fine was becaus…
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