The Texas Senate Moves To Move The Average Summer Temperature In Texas From 98.6 Degrees To 103 Degrees
AUSTIN, Texas - (Satire News) - The state senate of Texas has decided to make changes to state booklets on tourism. By a vote of 61 to 19, with 20 abstintations, the senate will have the state printing company show in the Texas tourism brochures t…
Read full storyTrump Is Now Admitting That Donald "Dopey" Trump, Jr. Is Not His Biological Son
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - Close friends and relatives of Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump are saying that the "Toddler Fingers" has finally imploded. DJT was recently overheard telling his landscaper that he really and truly believes that…
Read full storyThe Hammersmith Bridge in London - Covered In Foil - Might Attract Alien Radio Waves
They had to cover the old Hammersmith Bridge in London with silver foil, due to the Heatwave, as it was cracking from the heat. The people of the Alien Contact Committee in London are happy - as they have long been trying to contact Aliens using…
Read full storyAnheuser-Busch Has Just Developed Snack-Tasting Beer
ST. LOUIS - (Satire News) - The Anheuser-Busch Brewing Co. has just had it's chemists, brewmasters, and scientists devise a new type of beer-related product that will literally revolutionize the beer-consuming industry. Wanda Beth Stimmio, a spoke…
Read full storyPresident Biden Fines Trump $29 Million For Causing The Trumpapalooza Heat Wave
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - VP Harris met with President Trump and the two have decided that the heat wave that is gripping the nation is truly one horrendously mothereffen satanic occurrence. The National Rumblings News Agency reports that…
Read full storyThe "Fixer Upper" Couple Chip and Joanna Gaines Now Own Over Half of Waco, Texas
WACO, Texas - (Satire News) - The very first design and renovation show to hit the airwaves in the US was "Fixer Upper." The show featured husband and wife Chip and Joanna Gaines of Waco Texas. Chip was a frustrated stand-up musician and Joanna…
Read full storyTexas, the Serial Killer
According to one source, from 1976 to 2021 the state of Texas has executed 573 inmates. The next highest states are Virginia and Oklahoma, with 113 each. According to my calculator, those last two states missed out on killing 460 people. According…
Read full storyPutin’s Pox’ll Knock Yer Sox Off
Are you a shithead dictator who loves to stick your dick into any opening? Well, fella, there may be consequences. Mother Nature loves when people fuck anything that moves. Vlad Putin has been walking funny. Now some will say he’s just getting ol…
Read full storyNew Supreme Court Guidance - Biden Can't Do Anything Without States O.K.
Justice Roberts and Our New “Confederacy” Court members just issued Guidelines for the new session in the Fall. Basically, States can overrule any Presidential actions - (this is going by the Original Constitution). And each of the five Justices…
Read full storyWhy Won’t Anyone Help Those Poor Cocaine Dealers?
Mar-A-Lago insiders have whispered into this reporter’s ear the real reason why Mexico has rounded up a couple of major cocaine cartel Capos. Like Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán, who was tried in New York. Why there? Isn’t that where someone sometimes liv…
Read full storyAre You A Trump Monkey?
The Jan 6 committee is closing in, and Trump supporters are getting scared. They want to distance themselves from the Evil One. Ivanka says she supported what Bill Blair said about the election NOT being stolen. Even Melania is saying she was taki…
Read full storySchedule F for Fuck It Up!
Donny “The Bull” Trump wrote a Schedule F before he was kicked to the curb. With such a plan, he can fire any federal employee he wants. But wait – there’s more! Anyone who wants to change the law to suit himself – and put his faithful slime in va…
Read full storyGullible Senator Susan Collins Gives Annual Economic Report - Country In Deep Doo-Doo
Senator Susan Collins of Maine - who will believe anything any other Republican tells her, (and is still in office) - gives her annual July economic assessment. She is still a loyal Trump Ring kisser and won't criticize him. She has always been…
Read full storyA Kansas Farmer Teaches His Rooster To Crow The Star-Spangled Banner
WIZARD OF OZ, Kansas - (Satire News) - Kansas farmer, Oleander F. Window, 58, says that he has been raising egg-laying hens for over 37 years. He pointed out that he has seen lots of unusual things, from a Rhode Island Red hen that will lay seven…
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth To Raffle Off Her Lampshade Hat To Aid Ukraine
LONDON - (United Kingdom Satire) - Queen Elizabeth has agreed to her good friend Piers Morgan's suggestion that she take one of her over 4,700 hats and raffle it off in order to raise money for Ukraine. Queen Elizabeth praised Morgan and informed…
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