No Matter Who Americans Vote For President They Will Be Screwed
According to the major Gallup poll, Giddyup, most Americans feel they will be screwed, regardless of who wins the presidency. The results are as follows: 65 percent of Americans believe the country will be screwed, regardless of who is president,...
Read full storyMitt Romney’s house TPd in retribution for impeachment vote
Utah senator Mitt Romney told reporters of his horror at discovering that his house had been covered in rolls of toilet paper. The phenomenon, known as “TPing”, is often associated with college pranks, and it is unusual for it to happen to a United S...
Read full storyNashville Man Fumbles Life
"I've never been much of an athlete, so it's not too much of a surprise," said Web Stephens of his fumbling of the game of life. "We can't all be the star quarterback, I guess." As he explained it, Stephens began his life with high hopes, and some...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi arrested for criminal damage
Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, was taken into police custody for criminal damage yesterday, after it was revealed that she had systematically torn up a copy of President Trump's State of the Union speech. The elderly felon,...
Read full story16-year old boy given detention for sending text messages to MSP
A Member of the Scottish Parliament is being comforted after it was revealed that he received text messages from a sixteen-year-old boy. Friends of the 42-year-old politician said that he had been bombarded with almost 500 messages from the boy, who...
Read full storyMelania Trump Wears A Pair of Tight-Fitting Daisy Duke Short Shorts To Son Barron’s Soccer Match
WASHINGTON, D.C. – First Lady, Melania Trump, who is 49, caused quite a stir at son Barron’s recent soccer match. The first soccer mom showed up at The Pele Commemorative Soccer Complex wearing a tiny sports bra and a pair of tight-fitting Daisy Duke...
Read full storyPresident Trump Pays Tribute To Black History Month
WASHINGTON, D. C. – President Donald Trump stepped out onto the White House south lawn wearing a LeBron James NBA Jersey and shorts. He told the assembled White House press reporters, including Wydell Willie Washington with The Harlem Yo Bro Press th...
Read full storyMeghan Markle Reveals The Location of Her Brand New Intimate Body Tattoo
LOS ANGELES – The former Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle was recently asked at a Los Angeles Lakers game about the tattoo rumor. Cicero Cuevas, a reporter with Sports Balls Illustrated spoke with the former duchess and asked her how her and hubby...
Read full storyManchester United In Call For Season To End Early Due To 'Coronavirus Worry'
Sensational news coming out of Old Trafford this morning, after it was revealed that Manchester United players have told the club they are anxious for their match against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge on 17 February to be called off due to worries over...
Read full storyDemocrats Auctioning Off Pieces Of Trump’s Speech
Democrats are auctioning off pieces of Trump’s State of the Union speech that Nancy Pelosi so exquisitely tore apart. Pelosi said that Trump’s State of the Union speech displayed, “a state of mind that had no contact with reality.” Translation: T...
Read full storyFeds Charge Symbicort's COPD Wolf with Misleading Advertising
Washington, D.C. - Attorneys for the Federal Food and Drug Administration today ordered Symbicort to cease and desist its misleading television ad that portrays a huffing and puffing, COPD-afflicted wolf unable to blow down the little pig's brick hom...
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