Mitt Romney’s house TPd in retribution for impeachment vote

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Friday, 7 February 2020

image for Mitt Romney’s house TPd in retribution for impeachment vote
"I'm Charmin clean!"

Utah senator Mitt Romney told reporters of his horror at discovering that his house had been covered in rolls of toilet paper. The phenomenon, known as “TPing”, is often associated with college pranks, and it is unusual for it to happen to a United States Senator.

Suspicions have automatically fallen on Republican colleagues in the Senate, who had expressed anger at Romney’s decision to break ranks and vote with Democrats for the removal of President Trump, following Trump's attempt to coerce the government of Ukraine to investigate Democrat politician Joe Biden and his son, by withholding military aid from the country.

An insider source has reported that police are speaking to House Leader Mitch McConnell after a neighbour saw him unloading a hundred packets of Charmin Ultra Strong from the back of his SUV. The manufacturers proudly boast that their product is "4 times stronger than the leading bargain brand, thanks to its 2-ply toilet paper design, and lasts much longer". The source said that these are exactly the qualities one looks for in a toilet paper intended to TP someone’s house.

However, the politician from Kentucky and Senate Majority Leader insisted that he had purchased the large quantity of toilet paper as a precautionary measure in advance of a Mexican-themed party he was throwing.

A neighbour said:

Everyone knows that the Senator from Kentucky and his wife love their salsa extra hot.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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