Satan Gives Donald Trump's Soul Back
The Prince of Darkness shocked the press corps this morning by announcing that, "The deal is off! I don't want it. It's worthless. I was duped!" "I promise him all the power in the world. All the money in the world. In exchange, I was to receive...
Read full storyNote pad sad to only be used for shopping lists
Gary Johnson, an eighteen-week-old writing pad that initially lived in a branch of Tesco, has revealed his sadness at only being used for shopping lists. 'I had plans, when I was a tree, that when I became paper, I would be used to write the next...
Read full storyObama Urges Democrats to Be More Moderate by Adding Kill List to Green New Deal
Warning Democratic presidential candidates that they are turning off voters with their overly-liberal agendas, former United States president, Barack Obama, urged Democrats to move in the direction of moderation by adding a secret "kill list" to the...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg To Host QI
There was good news for fans of TV comedy quiz show QI today, when it was revealed that Swedish schoolgirl environmental activist and campaigner Greta Thunberg would be taking over the running of things from next month. Thunberg ousts another Scan...
Read full storyPrince Andrew: Is Jane Doe For Real?
Prince Andrew's legal team have poured scorn on the latest Jeffrey Epstein accusor, who has said that she was sexually abused by the former financier after giving him a massage on his private island in New Mexico when she was just 15 years old. Th...
Read full storyPlastic surgery balks impeachment
Impeachment hearings involving claims that Donald Trump asked Ukraine President, Wolodymyr Selenskyj, to have Joe Biden's son, Hunter, investigated in return for favors from the US including weapons, have been thwarted by organic polymers of high mol...
Read full storyFord Recalls 150,000 Drivers
DETROIT--Concerned about the increasing rate of “irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior” exhibited by SUV drivers, Ford announced yesterday that it is recalling 150,000 drivers of the F-150, the Super Duty F-250, and the F-350 pickup truc...
Read full storyEastEnders Mel Death Sparks Calls For Lorry Driver 'Extra' Investigation
After the tragic fictional death, on Thursday, of EastEnders star, Mel Owen, there were calls, last night, for a thorough and rigorous investigation into just how the 'extra' employed as the driver of the lorry that killed her, was ever given a part...
Read full storyVagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools
The government last night outlined plans to include the teaching of vagrancy and the dependency on strong drink as part of the national curriculum in 2020. A spokesperson for the Department of Education told newsmen: "In the present difficult eco...
Read full storyMan Finds Giant Seashells In His Back Garden
A man has revealed how, during a casual walk around his back garden at the weekend, he discovered a quantity of giant seashells - even though his home is more than 150 miles from the nearest coastline! The seashells, which were thought to be giant...
Read full story