Sex House Reports Drastic Reduction In Number Of Unemployed
There were frowns and awkward sideways glances this week, when it was noticed that a city centre unemployment office had remarkably metamorphisised into something less savoury, it's fair to say. Essex House, the Unemployment Benefit Office on the...
Read full storyBeyonce Knowles Fan Club Average Age Now 11
A man who read a news report about Nicole Curran, the wife of the owner of a basketball team, and the online abuse she received from Beyonce fans after it was perceived that Curran had been rude to the singer, has invited the childish morons to direc...
Read full storyJacob Rees Mogg buys into new technology
There was consternation and surprise in the House of Commons as Jacob Rees Mogg revealed that he would now be using emails, rather than carrier pigeons to get his work done. 'For years and years now,' says the strange MP, 'I have been using carrie...
Read full storyMan angry at the weather
63-year-old grammar pedant Brian Asshat has claimed that the inclement weather has ruined his day. A day spent criticising strangers on the internet was curtailed by the weather spoiling Asshat's WIFI signal. 'I had a great day planned. I was g...
Read full storyTrump Didn't Use Access Hollywood Greeting For Queen
People speculate whether the rumor's possible that Trump used his Access Hollywood greeting for the Queen, then saying, “Hi!” He once bragged on that tape, "When you're a star, you can do anything. Grab them by the pussy." No one at the Palace...
Read full storyMexicans Stealing The Wall
Donald Trump today tweeted out that he is going to seek funding for a second wall. That's right he wants a second wall to protect the first wall. Turns out that Mexicans facing high crime from American migrants and legal border crossers have been...
Read full storyPresident Trump And Mexico President Agree To Trade Jobs And Wives
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a bi-lateral agreement that circumvents the tariffs that President Trump said he would impose on Mexico if they didn’t stop the flow of illegals flooding our borders, Secretary of State Michael Pompeo announced today that an ag...
Read full storyThe President takes a Break
Following the ordeals of his visit to the UK and France this week, President Trump has now commenced a 2-day vacation around his beloved New York. Yesterday he was seen on Coney Island, chilling with gulls. He eulogized their character and form.
Read full storyMotorcyclist Leant Over To Release Fart
There was drama 'on the road' yesterday afternoon, when a motorcyclist drew stares from other road users by making a strange maneuver whilst hurtling along at a speed approaching 50mph. The rider leant over to non-throttle side of the motorbike, a...
Read full storyTrump Acknowledges that Veganism Is a Social Justice Issue but Explains that He's Not Really Into Social Justice
Noting that the current American food system inherently relies on the torture and exploitation of living, sentient beings in order to supply Americans' meat-heavy diet, U.S. President Donald Trump acknowledged that veganism is a social justice issue,...
Read full storyRussian Hackers, Trump Trumpeteers Knock The Spoof Off Line
From The Spoof's secret HQ, somewhere in Cyberland. For the second time in a fortnight, agents of the Russian Intelligence Corps have disabled The Spoof's website, preventing the online news agency's millions of readers from obtaining their daily do...
Read full storyMan Waited Until His Wife Went Out, So That He Could Attempt Breakdancing
A man who has, for decades, harbored a secret desire to try breakdancing, got his chance at the weekend, when his wife went to see her sister, leaving him all alone in the house. Ever since the early 1980s, when breakdancing broke onto the dancing...
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