Man Waited Until His Wife Went Out, So That He Could Attempt Breakdancing

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 7 June 2019

image for Man Waited Until His Wife Went Out, So That He Could Attempt Breakdancing
Someone (not the subject of this story) performing a 'Windmill'

A man who has, for decades, harbored a secret desire to try breakdancing, got his chance at the weekend, when his wife went to see her sister, leaving him all alone in the house.

Ever since the early 1980s, when breakdancing broke onto the dancing scene, Moys Kenwood has wanted to 'have a go', to be able to spin on his back, and even on his head!

Having a smooth, shiny tiled floor and plenty of space, Kenwood patiently waited for his wife to depart for her sister's house, then, when he could hear her motorbike no longer, he got busy.

First, he tried some jerky hand movements, twisting his wrists towards, and then away from himself, and making bendy, wavy shapes like those he'd seen in videos.

Next, he tried a Windmill, where the breakdancer spins in a circle on the floor by rotating his shoulders with his legs akimbo, and sweeping round like windmill sails. Well, a bit.

This part did not go according to plan.

Kenwood successfully executed half a rotation before his right foot smashed into the TV set, which left the table it usually sits on, and tried a windmill of its own.

Once he had cleared up the broken glass, the novice B-Boy was ready for spinning on his back. The ultimate move in breakdancing, Kenwood was determined to give it his best shot, and braced himself. What happened next is a mystery, but when Mrs Kenwood arrived at the hospital the next morning, to visit her husband, he received a total lifetime ban from breakdancing. His wife told us:

"A leg, an arm, a wrist, and a perfectly good TV set - I think enough has been broken for now!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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